Forums » INFP - Healer

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    • November 22, 2018 8:04:15 AM PST
    • Us INFP males are found in the typical INFP hot spots: Barnes & Noble, Starbucks, Libraries, etc. We are introverted, so if you happen to wander about in such locations and look to successfully meet and INFP, YOU have to approach us. That’s a biggie. We INFP’s give out difficult auras, making us seem unapproachable, but when someone talks to us and asks us about our lives, we arent shy to tell many great things.
      Do not approach us in numbers, for we are very unfocused. It throws us off when we are approached by more than one person at a time. You and only you need to show a sign of interest.
      I would definately be interested in you, but im looking locally as well. And, even if we were residing in nearby towns, i would have a very difficult time expressing myself entirely in front of you. You are REALLY pretty.

    • September 22, 2018 8:07:50 PM PDT
    • ^ true story lol

    • September 22, 2018 7:18:43 PM PDT
    • Good luck, because there are not tons of infp guys to begin with and not a lot who are also hetero.

    • January 25, 2018 12:50:59 AM PST
    • I'm sorry that I'm too old and live too far, but you do have a pretty smile.

    • November 14, 2017 11:37:55 PM PST
    • helinlin20171116
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      helinlin20171116

    • September 23, 2018 4:24:12 PM PDT
    • I just had an INFP male ghost me. He seemed very into me but when I told him I was into him too and wasn't playing games, I even wanted a relationship with him. He said that I "scare" him. Since his type isn't a direct communicate type, he finally told me he's not ready for a relationship that it stresses him out too much. As an INTJ female I don't get hurt too easily, but this hurt. I'm crushed. So I told I'll let him go and told him to take care of himself. I'm walking away, but every part of me wants him. The worst part is I think he totally misunderstood. A relationship to me isn't moving in getting married and making the world revolve around us. We could have gone on years living separately and only seeing each other on weekends. I think he panicked for no reason.

    • September 21, 2017 8:10:18 AM PDT
    • Having dated an INFP myself, I guess this is where truly gambling your trust comes in a bit

      To answer your first question: always check for social cues. Being a feeler, this should be your forte (I assume). So just check for recurring patterns, things not lining up, having dodgy behavior, If certain questions raise tension or have similar negative effects, those should raise a lot of red flags for you

      Second question: if i had a solid answer I would tell you but I guess I am here on this dating site to learn myself. Trusting people is never easy and having the best person I ever met in my life suddenly ghost on me and stab me in the back is hard. Still, the world moves on. Time keeps going. Everything we do has a value which can never be regained. I loved her but apparently she didn't so what can I do. The fact that I am still standing and willing to get back into the game means that there's still a bit of trust left in me still. So just chin up and keep moving forward and little by little, you will learn how to trust again

    • September 18, 2017 3:43:55 PM PDT
    • Maybe trust your intuition more? I can generally "feel" if someone is worth my time or not these days...but on the other hand, I've also learned that life is just unpredictable. You can't protect yourself from everything, and even if you could, it wouldn't be a very meaningful way to go through life.

      Without sounding too dismissive, I have found that time does a good deal of healing (hard to see that right now though), and you'll eventually meet someone that will want to make you trust again...seems harder to do the older we get (for INFP's anyway), but I guess we just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

    • September 17, 2017 12:56:38 AM PDT
    • errr, I wasn't asking why she broke up with me though thanks for you opinion! You're wrong of course, but hey.

      The question was about how INFP people deal with a bad break up and learn to trust people again. Sorry if that wasn't clearer.

    • September 16, 2017 3:06:05 PM PDT
    • It's too general a question without knowing the full background of your story to comment on. My guess is you were too clingy and she pulled away from having to take you on as a full-time job.

    • September 16, 2017 4:20:14 AM PDT
    • Thanks for that! And I agree, much better to find out sooner rather than later....

      I don't think I mind so much the idea that relationships sometimes end, I'm ok with that. I just hate the dishonesty, I like people to be fairly direct with me I suppose. If she's said she didn't think it was working, broken up with me as nicely as she could then met someone else I would feel much better about the whole thing.

      Hmmm, at the moment I think I'm at the "very much regret having met her" phase, but that'll pass and I'll end up being glad of some happy memories and move on!

    • September 16, 2017 1:59:43 AM PDT
    • Thanks for sharing :)

      There's only select few people that really want to commit, especially before their 30s it seems. Those highschool sweethearts stories are rare too. Would you consider what you had a relationship really, or just ''dating''?

      I can relate well with going ''all-in'' once you set your mind / feeling on someone. In this case you learned sooner than later that this person was a very bad fit for you (also considering that cheating or switching over to another dude immediately). Better have it happen within a few months than a few years down the line, i'd say.

      Then again you can never know with people anyway, as life changes, throwing them challenges. You can be happily settled with one person and everything going well for years ..., and suddenly they start acting out or messing up. It eats away at your ability to trust people next time.

      Idk, if I ever find myself in a relationship again I will surely go ''all-in'' again, but trying to enjoy the moment and enjoy life as it is, as opposed to fantasising and idealising that it will be forever. I mean, I never doubted myself in that regard :p so as long as you dont doubt yourself and dont have regrets you're all good!

    • September 16, 2017 1:20:16 AM PDT
    • So pretty self explanatory really. I was recently seeing someone for a few months, I'm not sure what personality type she was...though looking back perhaps she was a bit too much on the judgemental side of things for me.

      I had some doubts about the ability of this relationship to last anyway, I liked her a lot and was having fun but we did have some challenges I suppose. Anyway, she broke up with me and told me she'd been seeing someone else, which is obviously not nice for anyone.

      I don't blame her for braking up with me, like I said I had my doubts too, but that was not a very good way to go about it.

      Now, I'm quite a typical INFP I think....I don't have a lot of relationships, I select people carefully, but when I get in I'm all in so to speak. I've broken up with people before of course, but always on more agreeable terms, i.e we talked and decided it probably wasn't working. I'm generally still friends with most of my ex's.

      Anyway, this experience has thrown me off a bit which is part of the reason I'm here....the questions I'm asking myself are "what do I need to look out for in a partner to avoid this kind of situation again? (lies, cheating ect) " and "how do I learn to fully trust someone again?".

      So I'm wondering if any similar types to myself have ever been through something similar, or if anyone has any advice to share?

      Thanks in advance.

    • September 22, 2018 7:40:09 PM PDT
    • "Loving you was like loving the dead" - classic INFP lyric

      It's beyond sad that Peter Steele died so young. Never got the chance to see him perform. :'(

    • April 12, 2018 12:03:50 PM PDT
    • I am a parts manager. Well I have no employees under me so I mainly manage my self, but I do run the entire parts/sales department at a small airport.

      I've worked as a mechanic and that was great for a little while till I got utterly bored. Menial repetitive task are death to me.
      I have a flair for thinking outside the box and a slight bit of artistic talent but not enough to pursue a career as an artist. I have issues coming up with a steady stream of creative ideas.

      I think most jobs that are flexible with changing tasks/environments that offer the INFP the ability to put their own personal touch into their work would be a good candidate.

    • December 16, 2017 8:09:13 PM PST
    • Currently I'm a electronic security technician. I drive around 50% of the day and listen to podcasts, 40% thoughtless troubleshooting, 5% video games on my phone while waiting on hold, and 5% of troubleshooting that actually takes some thought process, which is honestly the only part I truely enjoy.

      It pays well though which allows me to buy the tools and material I need for woodworking and all the ingredients I need to make fancy food.

      The only job I can currently think about that would make me truly happy was if I was a personal chef for someone who liked to explore new foods. I have absolutely no formal training of any type concerning food prep though so I'll just have to be content with making yummy stuff for myself.

    • December 12, 2017 8:31:36 AM PST
    • My own dilemma: I am majoring, and love Hospitality Management(Hotels/restaurants/event coordinating). With this I was planning to start a quick service restaurant to employ people who need a second chance. I am physically weak, 4'10'', and have a bad genetic medical history. Therefore, I don't know how well my body can handle the next 20/30 years in a restaurant. I test ENFP and INFP, depending on the day. I absolutely love counseling, and body language to an equivalent. Also, I wonder if being in a leadership role will be bad for me mentally. Another thing, will being in a fast-paced environment prevent the switching job pattern we have as INFPs, do you think? What do y'all think I should do? Or do you think I should just dive into all of my interests, and become the CEO of six businesses at the same time like one of my professors? lol, I would really appreciate your comments. <3

    • September 15, 2017 8:14:48 AM PDT
    • AriShini said:
      finished a bachelor of economics at age 19-20, worked in that area for a couple of months, after that until now (im 27) I have done a variety of small jobs just to get by admin, data entry, call centre. I've studied psychology and spiritual healing courses (but never finished). As of right now I have no idea what i want to do, im pretty content not having much money and just observing people all day. They do say INFPs have the most difficulty in finding a career.

      Yes! I've had massive trouble finding the right career for me. I've never been anything but unhappy in any of the jobs I've done really. At the moment it's all taking a back seat as I work on dealing with some health problems, but I'm thinking long and hard about what might make me happy to do. I'm not too bothered about money, obviously a bit is nice, but I'd so much rather be doing something I'm happy with....passionate about and making a difference to people, even if it's in a very small way. When I was a kid I wanted to be an actor more than anything, I was actually pretty good! In a couple of professional plays when I was 11, but as a teenager I fell out of love with it. God knows if I could ever do make a career out of that now, after so much time...but I'd love to do something creative that makes others happy.

    • November 14, 2017 11:35:35 PM PST
    • helinlin20171116
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    • November 14, 2017 10:56:11 PM PST
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      helinlin20171116

    • September 25, 2017 6:00:26 AM PDT
    • Infp male here and speaking freely, I'm so driven to give someone the best experience I possibly can that I'll do almost anything to improve sex with them. With my regular partners I drove them to constantly explore their fantasies and desires and we indulged in sex, it was like a drug. I got off on making every time better than the last, it was a weird indulgence of my own ego that I don't usually let myself express in other aspects of relationships.
      I love to go down on someone, I love the moans and whimpers and sounds of pure ecstatic pleasure and I love knowing I'm the one actually making it happen.
      It's one of those things, I don't understand why some people have such a hard time working out how to please someone and improve the experience. When I first discovered sex I dedicated time to researching specific intrigues I had so I could learn safe practise and be the best at what I loved doing when I finally got an opportunity to. It leads to me experimenting with my own creativity as I get bored, say, tying someone up the same way twice. There's always some new sexual horizon to discover, some kinky depths to dive to and it's just endlessly exciting when you have someone willing to explore even a portion of that with you.
      Tldr; If we're good it's cus we work really really hard at making it good, so you can just tell us what you want, explain why it gets you going and we will do our absolute best to fulfill your desires.
      (oh and I totes agree it's likely non male INFPs are just the same)
      Also noticed a few people saying they are INFP and have trouble initiating or taking control? I have/had the same problem!like everything with a little work and patience you can improve on this if you want to. Control doesn't have to be bossy or cold, it can be loving and gentle or rough and passionate, summon some of that inner power and just play! You'll probably find you enjoy being in charge for once (or at least I did).

    • September 15, 2017 8:10:06 AM PDT
    • Yup, INFP here who'd really just like to agree with what others have said. And that I find it amazing that such a little test could accurately predict what you're like in bed.

      And as others have said; though I do tend to be more submissive in bed I can take charge and be dominant, I just need to know that's what my partner wants.

    • September 3, 2017 2:58:48 PM PDT
    • this feels familiar. Very familiar.

      It's taken me the better part of my life to realise that sometimes, people are right.

      No not saying we have a tendency to overreact, just that SOMEtimes we don't realise how strongly we are reacting (aka overreacting) until we step away from the issue or the problem and look at with cool eyes later in the day or week or month or year.

      I've had things play back in my mind and wonder, why? Just, why? Can't even remember.

      If you can't remember exactly why you reacted a certain way. If it doesn't make sense anymore after a while. If it almost seems like it was someone else not you. Like in another life. Then chances are, you overreacted.

      It's not so much that there is something wrong with overreacting, any more than there's something wrong with 'over eating' or 'over drinking' or 'over sleeping'. But if you put yourself in the shoes of the other people who have a different temperament than you do, it is very hard for them not to notice if your reaction seems to be above what they are used to or what they would normally express themselves, and if they are the vocal type, or the type that values facts (and pointing them out) over feelings and sensitivities, they will say so.

      It drove me nuts for years. And then I got to the point where I just keep my reaction to myself and act on it, as opposed to expressing it. So for example, if someone lets me down, in a way that I cannot see past at that moment (or, ever) I 'react' by simply not talking to them. I won't say why, I won't get into a whole thing, I'll just cut them out of my life. It serves the same purpose (reacting) without any of the angst or the "oh you're" this, "oh you're" that.

      Some might call that overreacting but I don't even think of it in those terms anymore. It's very simple. You hurt me/my feelings, and I feel like you don't care and it won't matter what I say anyway, you're gone. Problem solved. One can't say you're overreacting if there's nothing to react, to.

      So that's how I deal with it. It works well. In the general public, in situations where I can't avoid the interaction, I just walk away, instead of getting into an exchange. I've developed the ability to say "what do you want" to people when I can tell they're annoying me, as a way of cutting it short, as in ok let's just get down to what can or can't be done. Or "I don't want to talk about this" I actually said that to someone today. It's very simple. It's basically saying, No. Which we should all learn.

      My two cents :). This might change with time.

    • August 27, 2017 8:43:08 PM PDT
    • I've had people tell me that I overreact or and least get the impression that they want to say it to me it puts me on the defensive.

      I think that if anyone tells you that you are overreacting, they are assuming that they know how you feel and what is going on with you internally, perhaps better than you do. I don't think anyone can every truly know that since they aren't you. Even if they think they are right to say something along those lines, the wording invalidates your feelings and not meeting you were you are at.