Forums » Sex

List of newest posts

    • July 6, 2015 11:51:11 AM PDT
    • For anyone: if you choose to remain a virgin, it should be for the sake of your own self-respect and well-being, and not for the sake of an ideal person or an ideal situation. As time goes on it becomes increasingly easier to make someone into "the one": ignore X, Y and Z, re-prioritize a little here, reimagine vices as virtues. Love can do that to you. If in retrospect they weren't "the one", you can end up feeling like you've violated your principles and cheated on that ideal person yet to come.

      Know thyself: examine why you're choosing to remain a virgin, what the ramifications of how you're going about it might have, and what you want the end result to be. It's best if your reasons don't involve pressure from, seeing yourself as superior or inferior to, or pleasing or spiting other people. Your process shouldn't be harming you in other areas in the long term, stripping you of self-control, or warping your view of sex: your process should above all else be worth your while. If you think sex is going to be more amazing if you wait, you're likely setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment: you're unpracticed, prodigies by nature are uncommon, and love is a multi-faceted experience with parts that don't always carry over - just because you love a person on an emotional or spiritual level, that doesn't mean the physical experience will be elevated to that level because of it, and a rhythm has to be established regardless.

      Your core reasons are good enough: you don't need to rationalize simply feeling right about your choice to anyone; if intimate physicality isn't a major priority in your relationships, putting it on a pedestal is counterproductive.

      The right person won't just tolerate your decision: they'll respect you for it, respect it, and try to better understand it so they can encourage you in it and make it easier for you to continue in it and see it to its proper conclusion. But keep in mind that checklist isn't a Litmus test: you'll still need complementarity, attraction, and the like, and these characteristics don't always come altogether at once.

      It's not bad to want to share your first sexual experiences with "the one", but you're going to have a bad time if you try to save yourself for their sake, or for the sake of a relationship you haven't even entered into yet and still know so little about. Do it (or, I guess, don't "do it") for you.

    • June 23, 2015 2:02:00 AM PDT
    • Ok, let me decide to jump in here with my view(s) - and not just to prove my point, but to actually try and help the OP and anyone else...

      If you want to put sex/sexual intimacy/exploration on a pedastool (not a negative one, just high up there) then that's your choice. For me, its the reson behind that choice, and whether those reasons make sense given your choices wth other things you "hold precious", and how you approached them. Also, something could also be gained from learning from other's experiences/mistakes, and wondering "how you would feel" if what they experienced happened to you. Options options options!!

      So, say you do find that someone special, great connection mentally, emotionally, and all else, and you think they are "the one" to do this thing with! How would you feel if after the event they responded by showing great dissapointment - not with you/your performance per se, but just "something didn't click". You try again, communicate, work through it together, because you are that connected, but it still doesn't work out for THEM. You are fine, loving it and all, but they aren't. If you decide to "be with that person forever", then you are back to living with masterbations as your only sexual outlet. How would you feel? Was it worth the wait? Would you blame yourself in any way?

      Let me ask this. Have you ever done something that you wanted to get perfect, or at least really well done, and it was such a thing that you couldn't afford to make certain mistakes or else it would be ruined and have to either start again, wasting time, energy, money, or live with shoddiness forever visiable by your and other's standards because you messed up? Wouldn't you have practice first?

      Since I could come at this from several different angles, and basically monologue for aaaages, let me end with one more point/question and if anyone wants more from me, then post a request...

      I don't believe that solo masterbation is practice for sex, a replacement for orgasm yes, if thats what you want, but not sex. Being great at something on your own don't mean a whole lot when it gets down to doing something in a team. Take sport for example. The dynamic in say tennis, is completely different between singles and doubles. You have to WORK and practice at doubles, not improve your singles game in order to be the best you can be as a team. Sex is not to give yourself away, nor is it to take what you need from your partner - it is a mutual expression of self to another person in a way that says "you are the only person I want to do this with (right now) and you're the only person I want this from". What other "activity" is so exclusive? Sex is a big deal in many regards.

      On the flip side, its no more crucial to a solid, loving relationship than the feeling that your partner understands you/listens to you/cares about you/makes you feel secure/meets "X" need that you have. If you have a need that requires another person, then you need another person. If you can fulfil that need yourself, then you don't NEED another person, you want one. There are people who don't really care about being needed since a need is something that anyone with the right skill/tools can meet. "Want" is a choice. Who doesn't want to be "wanted"? If your partner doesn't feel wanted, its up to them to go somewhere they are, or live without meeting your need/want in that area. How would that feel to you, knowing that someone you care about so much is feeling like crap because you don't want them? Sounds like a mess to me.

      DISCLAIMER: I've probably said too much, and not re-read all this. I'm really not used to typing - it is SOO slow, compared with speaking when things move fast and line up properly!!

    • June 19, 2015 4:16:58 PM PDT
    • I'm in the same boat. I just don't feel like I'd enjoy it unless it was with someone I had feelings for. That might not stop me from trying it given the opportunity, but I don't think I can separate the physical from the emotional when it comes to intimacy. Not even with something like cuddling.

      I don't care what other people do, and I wouldn't rule someone out just because they are a virgin or if they had lots of partners. There's enough judgement out there.

    • June 19, 2015 12:06:03 AM PDT
    • I think it's important to distinguish between sexual pleasure, be it from masturbation or anything else, and sharing your body with another person. As a virgin you may not want to have sex with someone you're not committed to. For some people sex with another person is like giving away a part of yourself. And you don't want to give that to just anybody.

    • June 18, 2015 5:22:15 AM PDT
    • Im not a virgin.

      Isnt life a big web of psychological manipulation?

    • June 18, 2015 3:39:44 AM PDT
    • Being a virgin until you find a deep connection is a rather tough path to go on, but I understand the rationale. Looking for casual sex either doesn't work for them, or it doesn't interest them; which is fine by itself. But that little "want" we have is maddening when we let it be.

      That's when masturbation becomes a much needed, much healthier alternative. Not sure how similar this may be for women, but us men can find "therapy" in a session.

      We'll all be tensed up by thoughts occurring during the day. They can both be unrelated yet stressful, or they can be sexual and therefore troublesome. It can happen at any point, really. But once we have that release, something good happens. We relax and we rationalize.

      You drain your excess energy in a way that won't exhaust your whole body, and at the same time, you don't think the way you were thinking before. By that I mean, before masturbating you might focus only on what's stimulating you. After it, however, you have a completely tangent thought like "Hmm, I think I'll make grilled chicken and beans for dinner."

      Another benefit of pleasing yourself is you get to learn the details of what turns you on, hands on (pun unintended :P). Everyone has a different "path" towards orgasm, and when you learn your own path,
      You can please yourself as high as you like, with consistency (<that's important),
      AND you can better communicate with your partner, since you know what you want.

    • June 18, 2015 1:33:48 AM PDT
    • I had this odd conversation with someone about being a virgin and what it meant to me and about masturbating. To me, virgin is just a word it's not a state of being nor anything more than a point of view, more often I see it as a psychological manipulation tactic used by religion to control your way of thinking about yourself. However, I fall into that boat where I wont have sex for the first time until I meet someone that I truly love and care for, as a personal choice not under any religious affiliated beliefs or other lifestyle pressures. However as I do masturbate, the other person felt that I am making my stance pointless by not also being abstinent and withholding from any form of sexual pleasure, which lead me to post this.

      How do you feel about people who say they want to remain a virgin until a certain point in their life such as finding a deep love connection or after marriage, but aren't abstinent (they masturbate). Do you think it makes any difference?

    • June 24, 2015 12:30:14 AM PDT
    • Porn is ok but It does. Not give me pleasure. I rarely need to please myself due to an amazing wife, but when I do I am fantasizing about my wife, I have sexy pics of her and she is the one that does it for me

    • June 23, 2015 11:18:44 PM PDT
    • To date ( I have not been with one person from each type) of the people I have been with I'd have to say ESTP. But I believe it had more to do with our connection than her type.

      And being an ENFP I had a great deal to do with our connection. which means that the answer might be ENFP after all.

    • June 10, 2015 2:49:22 PM PDT
    • We're fun but can forget intimacy, on to cereal and TV. I'm striving for more. Forsaking the sparkles and looking for something deeper.

    • June 10, 2015 12:10:00 PM PDT
    • What is it about this question that makes me uncomfortable...It kind of reminds me of the days before MBTI where I felt like I had to compare myself to other people and never quite matched up. Oh INFJs cos they're so seeeensitive. And ENFPs because they are so much funnnn. And INTJs because they 'take charge'. I have the same parts, the same sensitivities. I thought sex was about people, not theoretical models.

    • May 15, 2015 11:43:53 PM PDT
    • I couldn't agree more! Yet how does one express this fact without sounding arrogant or like a creep! Lol!!

    • May 14, 2015 3:24:52 AM PDT
    • - removed-

    • May 10, 2015 12:04:31 PM PDT
    • I'll second this post. I think it is a lot more about compatibility, although I do think that sex is one of the INTJs secret talents. We suck at flirting and the social aspect of sex usually, but when it comes down to business, it is all about experimentation and maximum pleasure for both people. :) I could be biased though.

      Funny question to ask.

    • May 1, 2015 5:14:59 AM PDT
    • Well, this is also not really a question I feel like answering directly, other than is really more about how compatible you are, what bond you feel, than what techniques you know...both helps ofcourse. I wouldn't want to be picked because my type was the best at sex. That is going by a list of superficial traits.. on the other hand, I do not like boring sex. Sex beween couples should be exhilirating, or else it can soon become a rift between the two.

      I would also say that there should be mutual partnerfocus, not one just in it for their own pleasure.

      Uchem, I have been called rather playful and fun to be with. The rest I will leave to the imagination.

    • April 29, 2015 5:48:54 PM PDT
    • We're both Sexual/Social

    • April 29, 2015 5:42:39 PM PDT
    • I think 'best' is a bit vague. I took it as 'best for you'. I don't know because I've been attracted to INFJ and ISTJ. I've recently met an INTJ through this site I can already tell I'm beyond my wildest dreams sexually compatible with him.

    • April 29, 2015 3:09:32 PM PDT
    • Hands down ENFP for me. Enthusiastic, creative, eager to please (and be pleased). Once past any insecurity, simply amazing.

      I feel I must add to the INTJ hubris here, :), been told I'm very good myself probably because approach it like anything else we are into, will work tirelessly to improve, are very intuitive and always on the look out for what makes it better for our partner.

    • April 26, 2015 12:06:53 PM PDT
    • I kind of think this is a comical question... it's like saying which personality types are the best swimmers or golfers or skiers or writers. The personality types are generalities: who's to say who makes the best love? Isn't that up to each person within a relationship to arrive at his/her own skillsets and other-understandings???

    • April 26, 2015 8:24:47 AM PDT
    • I don't know, but the best sex I ever had was with an INFJ sx/sp.
      I think ENFP's are good either ^^ Maybe it depends on the instinct...
      But what I think in general is that ST-types are the least good at sex, and then NT < SF < NF...

    • April 23, 2015 11:54:57 PM PDT
    • ArthurRodrigues-

      ENFPs need all of that. I could never be with someone who was mostly submissive, or mostly dominant, or mostly sensitive. For me as an ENFP Sexual Social, it's about embracing the whole moment and atmosphere, not one driven thing to get to or do a certain way. An ideal romp would include all of the above and end with a lot of pride on both parts.

    • April 23, 2015 11:50:58 PM PDT
    • Definitely a personality thing. For me any NF is in the moment enough to enjoy my ability to really enjoy every moment of life and being so naturally expressive with little taboo, I am an amazing lover for all but the STs. I scare the crap out of them lol

    • April 14, 2015 6:09:39 AM PDT
    • ENTP and ESTP womans. They are creative and let you feel warm.

    • April 7, 2015 7:21:52 PM PDT
    • I heard from some friends that they didn't want to because they were afraid it would ruin sex, or at least regular sex.
      For me though, I think I've always had a great experience, almost the same but better than drunk or buzzed sex. But it did not ruin regular sex for me at all. I've loved high sex, but I've had even better sober sex.

    • March 25, 2015 6:25:23 PM PDT
    • @Metalheart I don't think it's unusual, I think it depends on how much you like stimulating your Sensing preference. Personally I don't usually enjoy activities that don't involve thought in some way, but there are a couple of exceptions for me (music as a sensory experience, etc).

      Behaviorally, I'm of a mind with Zenith, and consider sex as an intimate-only activity that requires a strong emotional /and/ intellectual bond. Part of that comes from not really being able to objectify people, but it's mostly because I look for fulfillment in anything I do.

      So you're not alone there.