Forums » Sexual-Secures

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    • October 12, 2018 6:08:48 PM PDT
    • https://youtu.be/3BE-0NTdL8M

      https://youtu.be/locBtYh90-0

    • August 2, 2017 5:40:39 PM PDT
    • I agree with most of the items in the OP... however I would add another one:

      - Actually having a similar passion/romantic/sexual style.

      Typically the things that sink relationships usually have to do with: finances, values, communication, sex, and mental stability...

    • August 1, 2015 6:06:50 PM PDT
    • Completely agree with Brianna. I've been ripped apart by several SJs and I'm INTP and it hurt like hell and still hurts like hell. So I can only imagine what it would feel like for an INFP. I still have a good friend who's SJ but she's SFJ which seems to be the 'softest' of the SJ types. Actually looking at her functions I can see why we get along, because we have the same four top functions just in a different order.

      I'm secure-sexual so I don't really have anything to contribute to the original post. But this is useful info. Thanks!

    • July 28, 2015 6:54:32 PM PDT
    • I got ripped apart by an S before. But since I'm a J, I'll be honest. I hate being blunt. It's really difficult to sugar coat anything. Being a T and a J, I've thought how I've wanted to say things but I never seem to say the right things. I have your emotions at heart but I can never say the right words.

    • July 7, 2018 9:20:39 PM PDT
    • I wish this thread was still breathing life. It could be great fun and really naughty.

    • November 27, 2015 4:33:03 PM PST
    • What about sexy songs...ones that really get you in the mood...For me its well my Username..."World In My Eyes" by Depeche Mode also Moby's "Sky Is Broken". They both happen to mention lips being close together. I am too shy to put the rest here on the web. ;)

    • September 11, 2015 10:29:02 PM PDT
    • ...so this horse walks into a bar.

    • August 11, 2015 1:08:29 PM PDT
    • Simple Version: I am Christian Grey, minus billions of dollars.

    • April 16, 2018 11:08:40 AM PDT
    • I find my self resorting to a dry, self deprecating humor in social situations. It allows people to open up to me. Too often I seem disconnected from new groups in social situations. Pretending to verbally "flog myself" has a odd way of making people want to engage directly with me.

    • November 14, 2017 11:27:20 PM PST
    • helinlin20171116
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      helinlin20171116

    • November 14, 2017 11:26:29 PM PST
    • helinlin20171116
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      helinlin20171116

    • August 16, 2017 8:44:46 PM PDT
    • I can relate to that.

    • June 1, 2017 12:48:22 PM PDT
    • Countless times friends have told me that they thought I hated them upon meeting me, or they thought I was stuck up, or they were intimidated by me...until they got to know me and found out I'm a warm, caring person who strongly values kindness. I believe there are a few reasons this is happening.

      1. Resting Bitch Face. I have one to the max.

      2. I don't go out of my way to impress people upon meeting them. I'm not overly friendly unless something really peaks my interest. A simple hello and handshake should suffice.

      3. I have a small circle of people with whom I feel comfortable sharing my deepest, truest self, so I probably seem reserved to most people unless I'm drinking. At parties I can turn into a pseudo ENFP, but I burn out fast.

      4. I spend a lot of my time in my head. Extraverts seem to notice and the kind ones are good at inspiring my to come out of my shell. However, people who demand that I be more expressive annoy the shit out of me. I'm not quiet because of shyness or intimidation. I'm quiet because my thoughts are more interesting to me than the current situation. So in that way I am a bit stuck up and self absorbed, but my self awareness becomes a great benefit to others in need of validation. When someone is suffering, I forget about myself and give give give. People remember that.

    • May 22, 2017 8:30:48 AM PDT
    • I don't really know what's wrong with me... I mean, I have had boyfriends... for myself I'm already saying to much boyriends, but for some reason the longest relationship I've been in was 6 months. But my best friend told me a few months ago, that I do seem a bit uninterested from time to time... And I'm interested, I'm just 'living in my own world' or my focus/concentration is on something else.

      But on the other hand, I think I'm to clingly, and start to change in a relationship? Because my ex was afraid I was totally changing because of him and not myself anymore, when I was pretty sure I was still myself, just the part I don't easily show around. But well, if I'm not clingly, than it's also not okay.
      Seriously, people make it way to hard.

      The problem is, I think, is that I'm mostly falling in love with guys who aren't ready for relationships? Or if I have guys who are ready for a relationship, they are not the right guys for me? But how do you change that one?

      And oh, that LoA, that is totally driving me crazy lately. I'm doing everything that's written down for the rules, and it doesn't seem to work at all!

    • April 18, 2017 10:12:08 AM PDT
    • I scare people way. Too forward and direct or i have a player vibe. I don't really know

    • March 29, 2017 9:43:24 AM PDT
    • Hi, loobird,

      I'm the opposite most of the time. I'm told that I give off a "come hither" vibe to most men (which can be troublesome at times!). But like you, when I'm deep in thought or speaking passionately on something I can also become "intimidating (which I think might be the "untouchable side). We are none of us all one or the other. Maybe you just haven't met the person you want to invite into the Inner Sanctum yet? That's valid.

      Meanwhile, keep working on your own development. We're all on a journey. Keep expanding yourself and getting to know people. When you're really attracted to someone on that deep, authentic level, the "come hither" switch will flip, I'm confident!

      JustLisa

    • January 27, 2017 12:24:25 PM PST
    • I tend to run hot and cold socially, engaged or withdrawn. I'm better than I used to be as I've gotten to know myself over the years, i.e., I tend to know when a situation is not going to work for me. Only thing is sometimes I talk myself out of EVERYthing and isolate more than is healthy.

      I also think INTPs are particularly vulnerable to the mistake of unfairly comparing our insides with other people's outsides. Ego tells me I know what other people are thinking and surely it's something negative, or, that surely they will be disappointed when they discover I am the shithead I'm afraid I am, so I might as well go ahead and be it. Anyhoo, by the time I'm done thrashing about inside with all these and various other ruminations, well God only knows what kind of expression is on my face. Am I unapproachable? Probably. You probably don't want to fuck with me.

    • January 19, 2017 11:06:05 PM PST
    • I'd say I'm in the same boat...

      I've been told I "push others away", "seem uninterested", whatever. I'd definitely say I've got an "untouchable" vibe. I've never had a proper boyfriend, either, or gone on "dates". At my age! I've never really had a social sphere so it isn't as though I've had very many places to start either.

      I'm not sure whether that's anything to do with this particular stacking, really... I always blamed it on my personal maladaption. Maybe my stacking helps. But I'd hate to think all sx/sp's are just fated to go through life alone (and likely tormented about it).

      One of my good friends is a sx/sp ENFP...and she's basically everyone's friend. She just, tends to fixate on one interest after the next to the neglect of everything else. But she's also outgoing. There's probably something else going on.

      So I don't have the answer. I don't know what the "right" way to combat this problem is. I do find that I'm very attuned to the fabled "chemistry" of sx-first--I end up making a better showing with some people more than others. I guess it's only a matter of finding the right person and hitting it off. Not helpful, I know.

    • June 8, 2016 8:59:37 PM PDT
    • I definitely feel like I give off an "untouchable" vibe. Part of it may be that I've just generally had difficulty socializing, I think because I've been around lots of people who don't know how to interact with Is. I've gotten better at using my F and N to navigate social situations and I found it much easier to make close friends in college and graduate school than I did in high school. However, I often end up in situations where someone I consider a close friend will completely cut contact with me, leaving me distressed and wondering what I did wrong (and of course, nobody is able to offer an explanation), so it's difficult for me to assess my progress in getting rid of this particular vibe.

    • April 23, 2016 4:50:48 PM PDT
    • I don't know about people perceiving as untouchable, but I'm personally very physical. I love to touch and kiss and such and with the right person, I'd be happy for that to be reciprocated.

    • April 21, 2016 11:09:57 AM PDT
    • It's more of an elusive vibe, rather than untouchable. My guy friends have told me I seem elusive or they were intimidated by me before they really got to know me. I think it's just hard for guys to approach a girl who seems really closed off, and who isn't flirting with them and validating them. However, if it's the right guy, then it should be easy for you to be yourself and feel comfortable and have interesting conversations. They'll be looking for a girl like you.

    • January 18, 2016 11:20:10 AM PST
    • I give off this vibe as well. A sort of "don't get too close" look. I've been told that for me it appears I'm aloof, upset or irritated.

      I took an acting class and the untouchable vibe turned off there, but it comes back in most situations.

      Thanks to everyone for there posts about this. Glad to know i'm not the only one.

    • January 12, 2016 7:30:37 PM PST
    • loobird said:
      Update: I decided to consciously "turn on" the touchable vibe in 2015 & got super results! First kiss, first date, first other things ;) Just being conscious about it and consciously not putting up (and even consciously taking down) a wall around guys helped a lot.

      Thank you for helping other sexual/secure folks by posting this update!

    • January 12, 2016 7:28:28 PM PST
    • A friend once told me that my clothes gave the impression "come over here, but don't get too close". I was dressing to compliment my body, but with a bit of an edge, so her appraisal was accurate but it didn't occur to me that I might be keeping people away. Later I adjusted my wardrobe to softer styles, but it just wasn't me. Now I don't really care about others' opinions and just dress fabulous!

      It has been a benefit on several occasions, though. My demeanor helps me maintain separate work and personal lives. The untouchable quality can be useful in certain leadership positions. Aloofness has kept away unwanted solicitations.

      There was one issue with a low-level manager at work who took it as arrogance; I suspect it was her insecurity working on her, though. I finally realized that as a manager she should have managed her own reactions - instead I had been trying to manage her insecurity!!!

    • January 10, 2016 2:22:39 PM PST
    • Update:

      I decided to consciously "turn on" the touchable vibe in 2015 & got super results!
      First kiss, first date, first other things ;)

      Just being conscious about it and consciously not putting up (and even consciously taking down) a wall around guys helped a lot.