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  • Topic: Giving off an untouchable vibe

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    • May 6, 2013 4:26:01 PM PDT
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      Giving off an untouchable vibe

      So I've never been on a date or had a boyfriend.
      I feel like I'm a generally awesome person ;P
      So what's up?

      I've asked my family & friends and it seems that I give off an "untouchable" vibe or something. It was interesting to find a similar description when I took the instinct test on here.
      With my primary instinct being sexual (does anyone else feel uncomfy w/that word?), it says that while some are seductive others give off an untouchable aura. Me!

      Anyone else in the same boat? Is there anything we could or even should do or will that vibe suddenly "turn off" when Mr. or Ms. right comes along?

    • May 6, 2013 9:57:36 PM PDT
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      Giving off an untouchable vibe

      I'd hate to let instinctual variants pigeon hole someone. The best part about the MBTI or any typology I've found is that it lets me know that I am normal and that I am capable of building on my strengths.

      Here's a few thoughts to think about:

      1) Focus on the negative and you find the negative, focus on the positive and you find the positive.

      (That's more than a cute thing to say, its got roots in psychology. Like the example, 'look around your room and count all the red things you see.' Look away, now list all the blue things you saw. Typically respondents will report fewer blue things than if they were asked to focus on looking for blue.)

      2) Comfort with the outside world comes from being comfortable with yourself.

      Also, you've never been on a date you say. Have you ever asked someone out on a date? It might be easy to overlook something as simple as that if you have certain expectations as to how a date should go down (i.e., a guy should have to ask the woman out). I looked at your profile and you are an attractive girl, the fact you admit what you've said in your post is a good step towards self-mastery.

      The easiest way to turn off that vibe is probably to own it. Think to yourself 'I might be untouchable, but that also makes me these things from the description (They often have a naturally seductive, sexual charisma that manifests as a fantastical, erotic playfulness)' Combine untouchable and those other things and you now have an intriguing challenge, which, some guys might enjoy.

      This post was edited by kmaco at June 27, 2017 3:51:54 AM PDT
    • May 11, 2013 11:47:13 PM PDT
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      Giving off an untouchable vibe

      You're not the only person. I've actually been told the same thing. Untouchable, or I inadvertently turn people away. And while I've gone on dates, I've never been in a serious relationship.

      I think it's not all variant based though, some may be based from your functions. For one, I take a while to warm up and feel comfortable opening up to people due to my Introversion, and that often comes off as cold or untouchable. I figure there are people that are willing to work to get to know me and that is fine.
      Also, I have what I term, "chronic bitch face" where I will be deep in thought and I look pissed off. Apparently that is not the easiest to break the ice with, or I've been told anyways.

      Like kmaco said, now that you are aware of it, it is something that you are capable of integrating and building upon.

      I've gotten to the point where I have to make myself focus on the present moment when I am meeting new people or in an unfamiliar environment, not jumping to what's happening tomorrow or what I need to get done for class next week. I try to stay engaged in the situation, or me it's picking up on nuances about the person or the surroundings or creating images of the words itself (depending on the situation.) And as much as I have issues with it, it's making physical contact with people, touching an arm, brushing hands, etc. That is what I have been working with and it might sound dumb, but it seems to create more accessibility between people and makes us seem less untouchable.

      If you are comfortable and confident with yourself, it'll shine through and people will take notice and those that want to get to know you won't shy away at that thought of an "untouchable aura."

    • May 12, 2013 3:53:47 PM PDT
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      Giving off an untouchable vibe

      Mehoui-

      I have that issue with my facial expression too! I tend to look "disgusted" when I'm really just thinking or staring into space. I've been working on it but I often forget. Oi!

      And I think what you're doing to try to seem less "untouchable" and more connected and friendly isn't dumb at all. It's great!

    • June 13, 2013 5:41:19 PM PDT
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      Giving off an untouchable vibe

      I've been told as well that I sometimes give off an "untouchable" vibe. Really I just sometimes get lost in my head and also I'm an introvert. I think just going out and exposing yourself to people, and maybe even a drink or two ;), may expose you to guys that won't see you in that light. Inside I'm quite the opposite but am selective about who gets to see the real me. I also find the process of meeting a new person and getting to know them sometimes uncomfortable as I feel fine in my own little world.

      You are very attractive... I say just go out and try to start with meeting ppl! The other part happens or it doesn't. I've never dated someone that it didn't feel natural that we do so.

    • September 13, 2013 4:32:50 PM PDT
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      Giving off an untouchable vibe

      I'm not sure about "untouchable" vibe but I give an aloof vibe or stand-offish. I'm leery when meeting someone for the first time but I warm up if it's a person I feel worthy enough to know. I don't mean to sound like I'm elitist (maybe I am) but it's more about wanting the right types of people in my life. I'm choosey who I want to get close to and I won't apologize for that. I'm about quality and not quantity and I think many of the NTs and NFs are drawn to that.

      You'll find when you meet someone that "gets you" that you'll blossom so don't allow that to stop you.

    • October 21, 2013 5:11:55 AM PDT
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      Giving off an untouchable vibe

      I easily give off an untouchable vibe not just when I'm uncomfortable around people I dislike, but when I feel vulnerable around someone I really like! So I know how frustrating it can be to have your motives constantly misread. I've had to accept that it takes time for me to warm up to new people, and there has to be obvious interest/chemistry for me to reciprocate warmth. If a guy isn't making the first move, I'll cling protectively to my walls, careful not to come across overly friendly. I can only reassure myself that if someone writes off my introversion as standoffish, they're probably not making the effort with me either. It's likely that you aren't miss untouchable around those who bring out your fullest, most open and authentic self.

      I used to be skeptical of the law of attraction, but I think there's some grain of truth in how we tend to get back what we put out. So if we want people to notice and be friendly towards us, we need to become more conscious of our mirroring patterns, and work on deliberately expressing ourselves in accordance with our intentions.

    • October 22, 2013 8:25:02 AM PDT
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      Giving off an untouchable vibe

      I've never been in a serious and/or long term relationship either. I don't give off an untouchable vibe either. Years later, I still have some guys admit to me that they wanted to get into my pants, even with the whole tomboy look and attitude. I easily sense and dismiss most jerks, but have never gotten a quality guy who's also interested in me, and we connect. So there is men I connect with but he's not interested in me, or men who's interested in me but I don't connect with. I try not to waste my time and I do look around quite a bit, but I haven't found it ever. I'm 27 years old and have been chasing boys/guys since I was in preschool. I even remember my first crush. So for all that is said above that sounds anything remotely like "the law of attraction" I call bullshit on.

    • March 3, 2014 11:21:23 PM PST
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      Giving off an untouchable vibe

      I've been told I give off this vibe as well. I like to keep people at a distance so its not totally unwarranted :p

    • March 23, 2014 3:02:09 PM PDT
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      Giving off an untouchable vibe

      [Also, I have what I term, "chronic bitch face" where I will be deep in thought and I look pissed off.]

      I have the same problem, whenever I'm off elsewhere in my mind my face locks in this emotionless mold like a statue, it doesn't help at all that I have the squinty Chinese eyes so I get tense moments when my view connects with someone else it looks like I'm giving them the stink eye, even though I'm pretty much detached from whatever I'm seeing in the real world. It makes for extremely awkward and sometimes hostile situations followed by apologies and my train of thought broken for something I am not aware that I was apparently doing. I learned to just stare down at the floor or the ceiling to prevent my eyes from making contact with someone else in case they get the wrong idea, I'm not trying to be rude or giving them the evil stare down; I'm just lost in thought.

      For the most part I have to fake a smile which seems to work on making it less threatening, but I have to constantly think about it and force my muscle to grin in public or again stare down to the floor away from eye level.

    • February 6, 2015 11:48:54 PM PST
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      Giving off an untouchable vibe

      I give off that vibe. I've learned to imitate facial expressions and body language. It takes time to learn but eventually it becomes habit.

    • March 20, 2015 4:39:29 AM PDT
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      Giving off an untouchable vibe

      Parvan said:
      I give off that vibe. I've learned to imitate facial expressions and body language. It takes time to learn but eventually it becomes habit.

      This tends to be hard for me to do. I tend to fidget and twitch a lot while trying to "act normal". It's not something to enjoy.

    • April 5, 2015 11:52:41 PM PDT
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      Giving off an untouchable vibe

      The word I've gotten is "unapproachable". Some 8 years ago at a young professionals training conference in Denmark so it's been some time since then.

      Truth be told, at that time in my life I had a perpetual feeling of being 'the other', I didn't feel I belonged anywhere so it's no wonder my feelings seeped out and others could sense it.

      kmaco makes some excellent points, it all starts from within. If you are comfortable, relaxed and still inside, people who are able to relate with that will naturally gravitate to you.

    • The following users say thanks to selali for this useful post:
    • April 9, 2015 3:41:06 AM PDT
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      Giving off an untouchable vibe

      I love my untouchable vibe. The people that will fight through it are usually the best of people. And yes they have to fight through it. You have to earn talking to me.

    • April 26, 2015 9:53:48 PM PDT
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      Giving off an untouchable vibe

      I can sometimes seem angry as well, and I tend to have a "untouchable aura". Its really difficult being an INFP ontop of it.

      People tend to keep back so i get...persisent in response and.... well... an INFP that is seriously focused is hard to get along with...

      I tend to say positive reinforcements and focus on good things, and learning new things. I am always seeking new people and friendships.

      Passion overcomes the pain, insight and awareness built by research like this site, goes a long way with integrating feedback.

      ...oh dear...my INFP is showing....dont mind me...im not as egotisical i sound i do care!

    • April 29, 2015 11:31:16 AM PDT
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      Giving off an untouchable vibe

      I tend to come off as very mellow and maybe even dissinterested. It results in me having to initiate pretty much all social interaction, which is pretty exhausting honestly.
      People do usually respond possitively and, if it's a female I'm interested in, she innevitably starts telling me about her boyfriend who she can't live without, but who she doesn't seem to like very much.
      *shakes head*

    • April 29, 2015 3:42:19 PM PDT
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      Giving off an untouchable vibe

      Pretty sure have that vibe as well, I'm very confident in being quite and minding my own business. In a guy many people take that vibe as confidence, and in a way it is.

      So I've just learned to be the outgoing one, sure I'm an Introvert, but that doesn't mean I don't like people so use all my TJ function to analyze it and my N make it happen (intuit how to strike up a conversation). A beer or two doesn't hurt the N.

      I've found people are very responsive, maybe because they thought I was arrogant.

    • April 29, 2015 6:38:13 PM PDT
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      Giving off an untouchable vibe

      I don't know if anyone else have realized this, but generally speaking any "IN"s will have these shared responses. The combination of Introversion and Intuitiveness is a maelstrom of common misconception and understanding. Intuition will, if allowed, continually feed the Introversion creating the "vibe" of untouchable or haughtiness. One could say it's a natural lack of empathy but in reality it's a process of the mind that is constantly asking in the subconsciousness 1.) How does this relate to me? and 2.) How should I respond (to the outside stimuli)? I hope this helps, message me if you want to talk more about it.

    • May 19, 2015 12:38:36 PM PDT
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      Giving off an untouchable vibe

      I relate to a lot of the posts in this forum! I find that I am often approached by men who are clearly attracted to me, and it immediately makes me want to run away. But by the time I feel comfortable with a man I've gotten to know, I think I've already given off too many "I'm not interested" vibes, and so it seems that men rarely ever ask me out. And I also seem to have the mad, or sad look when I'm really just being pensive.

      I've recently started taking dancing lessons, and I feel like it is helping me to let my guard down some, and allow myself to let the more sensual side of me show. Still learning though.

    • January 10, 2016 2:22:39 PM PST
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      Giving off an untouchable vibe

      Update:

      I decided to consciously "turn on" the touchable vibe in 2015 & got super results!
      First kiss, first date, first other things ;)

      Just being conscious about it and consciously not putting up (and even consciously taking down) a wall around guys helped a lot.

    • January 12, 2016 7:28:28 PM PST
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      Giving off an untouchable vibe

      A friend once told me that my clothes gave the impression "come over here, but don't get too close". I was dressing to compliment my body, but with a bit of an edge, so her appraisal was accurate but it didn't occur to me that I might be keeping people away. Later I adjusted my wardrobe to softer styles, but it just wasn't me. Now I don't really care about others' opinions and just dress fabulous!

      It has been a benefit on several occasions, though. My demeanor helps me maintain separate work and personal lives. The untouchable quality can be useful in certain leadership positions. Aloofness has kept away unwanted solicitations.

      There was one issue with a low-level manager at work who took it as arrogance; I suspect it was her insecurity working on her, though. I finally realized that as a manager she should have managed her own reactions - instead I had been trying to manage her insecurity!!!

      This post was edited by robinreadmore at May 13, 2017 7:56:33 AM PDT
    • January 12, 2016 7:30:37 PM PST
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      Giving off an untouchable vibe

      loobird said:
      Update: I decided to consciously "turn on" the touchable vibe in 2015 & got super results! First kiss, first date, first other things ;) Just being conscious about it and consciously not putting up (and even consciously taking down) a wall around guys helped a lot.

      Thank you for helping other sexual/secure folks by posting this update!

    • January 18, 2016 11:20:10 AM PST
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      Giving off an untouchable vibe

      I give off this vibe as well. A sort of "don't get too close" look. I've been told that for me it appears I'm aloof, upset or irritated.

      I took an acting class and the untouchable vibe turned off there, but it comes back in most situations.

      Thanks to everyone for there posts about this. Glad to know i'm not the only one.

    • April 21, 2016 11:09:57 AM PDT
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      Giving off an untouchable vibe

      It's more of an elusive vibe, rather than untouchable. My guy friends have told me I seem elusive or they were intimidated by me before they really got to know me. I think it's just hard for guys to approach a girl who seems really closed off, and who isn't flirting with them and validating them. However, if it's the right guy, then it should be easy for you to be yourself and feel comfortable and have interesting conversations. They'll be looking for a girl like you.

    • April 23, 2016 4:50:48 PM PDT
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      Giving off an untouchable vibe

      I don't know about people perceiving as untouchable, but I'm personally very physical. I love to touch and kiss and such and with the right person, I'd be happy for that to be reciprocated.

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