Hello,

I am an ENFP ! I could talk forever about my life but this is not the point.
Joining this website is an opportunity for me to make new friends and understand my type of interest which is actually yours (I could say why if you want but it's boringly predictable).
There is plenty of questions I would like to ask.

1- How do you start a conversation with an ISTJ without being boring or intrusive ?
2- How do you deal with your goals and visions in a Relationship (What do you expect from a Relationship in the short and long run) ?
3- What should an ENFP know about ISTJs ?

And, I just wanted to start a topic between the 2 types so that we could maybe all loose some apprehension. What I might consider to be true might be a belief.
I'd be glad to finally get some point of views !
Hope it is clear and concise enough.

I'm going to start with the differentiation between and introvert and an extrovert. The basis is simple. An introvert gains his/her energy by being alone. An extrovert thrives on the energy of others. This means that while the introverts battery is "draining" the extrovert's is filling. Me as an istj doesn't like being with people for periods of time. Being friends with an istj is simple. Give them their space. Point 1. You start a conversation by talking about something interesting. Preferably something groundedf in fact. It is a fact that Germany has won Olympic medals. It is opinion that Germany is awesome. (It's a fact that Germany is awesome :) ) People like me have a very difficult time expressing their emotion. If you're trying to start a relationship with an istj be sure that you let them grow toward you. I have an ex girlfriend who I broke up with because she wanted to hang out every second of every day. It's welcome to a point but afterwards it gets annoying. Complement istj personality types on their dedication. We like to feel needed. If I tell anyone that something is getting done, it is getting done. Period. Mention that. Well your point 3 is just kind of answered. Do some research. And also remember that not everyone can be defined straight out of a book. As simple as that would make my life, that's just not true. Learn the person and use the personality type as a set of guidelines, not rules.

If you need a mate to build a house and plan your retire sure. Keep waiting... And waiting... And waiting and flattering them. If your the best option for their plan they'll take you.

They live in a very material world. You seduce them through that. Just don't expect anything different when you get wherever your going with them.

Grow 'toward you' is an interesting choice of words and why the ENFP will be stifled in such a relationship.

Grow 'toward you' is an interesting choice of words and why the ENFP will be stifled in such a relationship.

Grow 'toward you' is an interesting choice of words and why the ENFP will be stifled in such a relationship.

As far as the language of personality created by MBJ- the system is not flawed. Our perception of it is so all hypothesis regarding each type can be untrustworthy without years of study. They are not guidelines. They are actually true. How we apply them can create error. It's also a goal of those who study to be aware of and challenge themselves to grow and become blanched in ways. NFs are the inspirers as being people who love people and things beautiful.

As far as the language of personality created by MBJ- the system is not flawed. Our perception of it is so all hypothesis regarding each type can be untrustworthy without years of study. They are not guidelines. They are actually true. How we apply them can create error. It's also a goal of those who study to be aware of and challenge themselves to grow and become blanched in ways. NFs are the inspirers as being people who love people and things beautiful.

Blanched lol!! Asparagus!! Haha balanced hehe

Notice 'interesting' is subjective to the personality of the ISTJ. Because their thoughts originate from themselves in all senses. Spending time alone sensing, thinking and judging only thier own experiences, they find change of any kind terrifying and can not be truly vulnerable to another. Love is to be loved on because it's only seen through sensory self perception. Good at making money!!

Notice 'interesting' is subjective to the personality of the ISTJ. Because their thoughts originate from themselves in all senses. Spending time alone sensing, thinking and judging only thier own experiences, they find change of any kind terrifying and can not be truly vulnerable to another. Love is to be loved on because it's only seen through sensory self perception. Good at making money!!

Notice 'interesting' is subjective to the personality of the ISTJ. Because their thoughts originate from themselves in all senses. Spending time alone sensing, thinking and judging only thier own experiences, they find change of any kind terrifying and can not be truly vulnerable to another. Love is to be loved on because it's only seen through sensory self perception. Good at making money!!

What I don't understand then is why does this website say we are the most compatible?

AmberHeart1 said:
What I don't understand then is why does this website say we are the most compatible?

Mostly because assessing relationship compatibility using only MBTI doesn't work that well as it discounts far to many aspects of personality, like social learning. Moreover, the mistyping rate is exceptionally high because the system is self reporting and that means most of the time when people are commenting on a particular type, the reality is that they typed a person by observing their behavior (archetypes) and mistyped them as result because behavior is learned. The most that flows from using MBTI this way is that it helps facilitate communication if you stop to consider how they process information and through that achieve understanding.

Hmm, I hear your point. It is true we do learn behaviour as well as having innate drives we're born with. I know I've changed over the years. I fluctuate between being an extrovert and introvert depending on my occupation, relationships, family, stages in life. Right now I am definitely an ENFP however the ones I've been in contact with can be pretty abrasive and rude with language, which I am definitely not, so I guess there are variables within the type as well. I have noticed already that I feel extremely comfortable conversing with you, which I usually find really difficult with guys as they all want 'one thing'. For me I need to get to know a person before I get into that area. I need to feel a connection and I definitely wouldn't be baring all to a meathead online! So, I have to say our conversations are so very refreshing, I feel heard and understood and really enjoy your thoughtful replies. Thanks for that. So online, I have to agree I do get along with an ISTJ and I don't know why, but I'm sure Jung did! and that's really cool.

This post was edited by Deleted Member at July 12, 2015 11:52:31 AM PDT

AmberHeart1

You are absolutely correct in saying that there is variance within a type. One of largest groups is those that use their type as an excuse to live up to the worst stereotypes; It's not my fault! I'm an XXXX. Being a particular type does not preclude specific behavior because motivation is not derived from the processing of information: it is derived from what is learned from the information.

I am glad, and a little flattered that you enjoy our communication: it's nice to read because generally we ISTJs do tend to feel lacking in the area of effective communication, although with written communication we can edit endlessly. :)

And now I am off to buy a new air conditioner:)

This post was edited by stone100674 at July 12, 2015 4:20:25 PM PDT

My understanding was INTP was the best pairing according to this site. Am I reading it wrong? I also think that is a terrible pairing, but ISTJ makes sense. Sort of? Except, I want attention back.

INTP and ENFP? (shakes head vigorously) Nooo way they're an ideal match.
I'll tell you why
INTPs hate vagueness. ENFPs love vagueness. A lot can go unspoken with an ENFP. This is not fun for an INTP.
For ENFPs the grass is always greener. For an INTPs there is only one patch of grass, where they're standing. Once an INTP finds what he or she wants, they don't budge.
ENFPs are introverted extroverts. So they look like extroverts, act like extroverts, but in all the ways that matter they are pretty much introverts. This is confusing for an INTP, becauuuse we think we know what we're dealing with and then suddenly, the ENFP clamps up, and we're like, what happened? And then some random time later they open up again and we're like ok #confused.
The NF constant strife for romantic perfection, this is not an INTP goal. And though it might seem cute at first, eventually it will wear us down. This is particularly difficult with ENFPs because they're so open ended and at the same time they're in tune with their feelings. So they'll know they're not happy but they might not know what will make them happy. At least with FJs we know where the goal post is. INTPs need emotional goals to be good at relationships. We need to know what a good relationship is, in order to have one. It doesn't just 'happen'. So if the ENFP can't define what they want, on a regular basis, the INTP will not know how to make them happy.

This post was edited by Cyanara at October 12, 2015 1:41:41 PM PDT

I can't argue with any of that. That is why I didn't understand why it keeps suggesting that to me. My ex is INTP. She is my ex. 'Nuff said. Lol

Lol phew! Thought you were about to walk right into one.

My first boyfriend was an ISTJ and we were together for just under 5 years. From what I remember he calmed me down a bit and I brought him out of his shell. As I was the introverted extrovert type, we could spend a lot of time doing our own thing in each other's company and be happy. I think the fact that I'm independent helped, we went to separate universities and maintained a loving relationship despite the distance. I think this was because he was a completely stable, constant, and kind person. He loved me, I was his person, and that was enough for him. And I had the freedom to go out and flirt and party (innocently) to my heart's content, which is how I communicate, and he never minded as long as I was coming home to him.

These are just some random musings really. As to how we got to know each other, I'm not sure as we had no common interests apart from food! But we were at school together so there's that. I remember 'chasing' him because he didn't realise I liked him, even though everyone else did. We used to talk for hours and hours before we got together. Music I think was another thing we bonded over.

I hope that helps in a small way! Common interests and being ENFP enough to draw someone out without scaring them? Opposites attract I guess.

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