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  • Topic: Harder to be INTJ girl?

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    • July 30, 2012 6:03:30 PM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      I feel like our type is naturally what society considers to be "masculine". I don't mean physically, but I mean how we think and act. Being a girl, I have a difficult time preventing myself from intimidating guys. They see my intelligence and they seem to think that they have to keep up or else I will think less of them. Supposedly we are good with ENTPs, but the ENTP I used to date was the MOST competitive person I've met, though he would do it subtly. Help, what do we do?

    • September 18, 2012 3:59:43 PM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      Heh. I have the opposite problem sometimes! X'D

    • September 18, 2012 4:07:22 PM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      Try being an INFP male...

    • October 2, 2012 4:06:47 PM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      <3 NTJ girls! One of the best relationships I ever had was with an INTJ girl, we were so in sync intellectually, the conversation was, to be sure, awe inspiring. I think NTJ girls do have it tougher in terms of not acting like the norm, because typically they figure "whats the point?" I love that attitude... I despise tradition and doing things because "this is the way its always done" its utter crap. Hand me an intellectually elite alpha female any day of the week over someone who is constantly fussing about the Kardashians, Lipstick, and being so insecure that she misses the damned Lunar eclipse because "everyone is going to see my bed head!" UGH!

      The only women I have ever been with that were able to keep up with me intellectually were NTJ and 1 STJ girl I dated, stay classy ladies, your huuuuuuge brains are sexy ;)

    • October 10, 2012 5:59:41 AM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      I can appreciate where you ladies are coming from. Take it as a compliment! Intimidating men means they think you have profound substance and are probably out of their league. Besides, thedominus is right: smart is sexy.

      It's interesting to note all of the INTJ's who posted here thus far are Sexual/Social. That's probably not a coincidence. My guess is we should be thankful for that, as far as dating goes anyway... Seems to me our INTJ brethren with different instincts are a little worse off.

    • October 17, 2012 8:25:36 PM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      Either you enjoy competitiveness or you don't. As for intimidating men, find an intellectual equal and have at it. We INTJs probably have it the easiest--we can disconnect our emotions from our social interactions.

    • November 17, 2012 12:50:16 PM PST
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      To be honest, I haven't had the privelege of encountering too many INTJ women. I don't tend see them as masculine, but actually as fairly feminine just very determined and driven which is definitely a turn on.

    • December 5, 2012 4:05:28 PM PST
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      grlgrl said:
      I feel like our type is naturally what society considers to be "masculine". I don't mean physically, but I mean how we think and act. Being a girl, I have a difficult time preventing myself from intimidating guys. They see my intelligence and they seem to think that they have to keep up or else I will think less of them. Supposedly we are good with ENTPs, but the ENTP I used to date was the MOST competitive person I've met, though he would do it subtly. Help, what do we do?

      Sounds like you're finding the wrong guys. I have two INTJ female friends. Both of them are a relief to be around - both are smart, logical and have a great sense of humor. I've never found their "smartness" intimidating - it makes conversing with them more fun. I personally really appreciate how quickly we can cut through social shallowness and get right to the point whenever needed (not sure if this is a normal "feature" of INTJs but it is with these two). I would imagine that for female INTJ it is equally (more?) challenging to have female friends since a higher percentage of women tend to be F's than T's. As a result, many (FJ Types especially) might inherently distrust and suspect a woman who is more logical. Total conjecture on my part :)

    • April 20, 2013 3:37:47 PM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      Maybe, but I think we have better shots at finding truly supportive relationships...we're naturally good filterers. The only thing I find frustrating is that I don't read intentional flirting well at ALL. I'll know a guy is physically attracted to me before I know he's flirting.

    • June 28, 2013 3:11:39 AM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      My best friend is an INTJ, and she and I get along extremely well. Seriously. We're always talking and laughing about something silly, and working on projects together, and I enjoy her company. Sometimes she does annoy me, but she's actually one of the few people I am truly close to so it doesn't cause any rifts in our friendship. And the one thing about INTJ women as a whole that I can appreciate (me being an ISTP), is that you gals know how and when to not pry. Not just that, but people of your MBTI type make me laugh the most.

    • August 16, 2013 4:19:18 PM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      I personally seek out women that are INTJ's because, not to sound like a complete snob that is typical for us ENTJ's, they can keep up with my wit and sense of humor. There is nothing sexier than a woman who can banter and give me shit right back and not feel like I'm attacking her sense of self. I have a tendency to really test people to see what they're made of intellectually, so it is a huge turn on when a woman has a similar outlook. Here's how I see it....if you can't stimulate my mind, you won't stimulate my dick..if you can never pin me intellectually, I'll never allow you to try dominatrix sexually...and believe you me....us Christian Grey types do enjoy a woman bold enough to try. :)

    • September 10, 2013 9:38:33 PM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      I find that while men seem to be easily attracted, and I can easily make friends with guys, trying to turn any of that into a relationship is nearly impossible! I'm sure part of it is that men who are strong enough to deal with me can find plenty of "easier" women and men who I would walk all over, while attracted to me, I typically have had zero interest in. Personally I'm most attracted to an ENTJ or similar - they typically have better social skills (bonus for my introversion), can enjoy and keep up intellectually, and they don't take my bluntness too personally. Again, unfortunately, seems like the ones I fall for want a woman who's more socially normal and doesn't challenge them as much :/

    • October 31, 2013 5:32:53 PM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      you are right but i'd rather be an evil Angelina jolie than a boring Jennifer aniston type

    • December 23, 2013 7:37:48 PM PST
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      My suspicion, being an INTP, is that the J will make the T more obvious, for one (so if the person isn't a 'hard'-T or are an F it might be scarey to them). I dated an INTJ once (most others were INTP) and he was incredibly well put-together. I think it does come off as a little bit on the dominant side. I love J's. I wish I was one.


      It might not necessarily be the 'smartness'. I wouldn't be surprised is people initially put you under the classification of 'leader' (as I did to my INTJ) and if they don't want a 'leader' then they are scared off.

      This post was edited by HowIntriguing at December 23, 2013 7:40:54 PM PST
    • January 4, 2014 12:41:27 PM PST
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      Got a friend who's an INTJ girl and we have some really interesting conversations, I don't feel the least bit intimidated by her even though I reckon she's got the edge on me intelligence-wise. I just don't find her physically attractive though.

    • January 5, 2014 5:25:45 PM PST
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      I personally relate to this post as well. I think its hard to find "TJ" girls in general, and definitely "NTJ"s. Even though Im an STJ, I relate well to NTJs, and my best friends are NTJs. I honestly love it! It makes it harder to find a man, but it garauntees me that I only get intellectual ones. Lucy Liu is actually an ESTJ...

    • February 20, 2014 1:20:49 PM PST
    • Harder to be INTJ girl?

      Short Answer: Yes.

      I've been told that I'm "not like most girls", that I "intimidate men", that I'm "standoffish" (the latter's not necessarily true; I tend to be very quiet, but I can see why people might get that impresson). But yeah, it's been tricky, in my experience. Finding people to relate to on an intellectual/emotional level has been hard - especially guys, who don't often know what to do with my more masculine tendencies (brain-wise).

      In regards to the ENFP/ENTP thing (compatability-wise), I was seeing an ENTP last year. We're still friends but are no longer dating. We are fantastically compatible, just like the MBTI states, but I think he underestimated my intensity of thought, feeling, etc. - so he backpedaled. So yeah, even when it's theoretically supposed to work, it's very hard to be an intense, somewhat "masculine" person in a more feminine role. *sigh*

    • February 20, 2014 1:24:12 PM PST
    • Harder to be INTJ girl?

      HowIntriguing said:
      My suspicion, being an INTP, is that the J will make the T more obvious, for one (so if the person isn't a 'hard'-T or are an F it might be scarey to them). I dated an INTJ once (most others were INTP) and he was incredibly well put-together. I think it does come off as a little bit on the dominant side. I love J's. I wish I was one. It might not necessarily be the 'smartness'. I wouldn't be surprised is people initially put you under the classification of 'leader' (as I did to my INTJ) and if they don't want a 'leader' then they are scared off.

      I think you have something there. The J does seem to intensify the T for some reason - maybe because the T gives such an analytical bend to things. You throw that with a J (a very orderly system of doing things), and you can really see a scientific process at work. Which can strike as very robotic, in some cases (definately off-putting to some people).

    • June 20, 2014 8:22:16 AM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      Luckily I have landed myself among a group of friends/coworkers that are all familiar with, at least, their own types of the MBTI. So it saved me a load of time when I wouldn't have to explain what I did or why, or what I'm thinking when a situation arises. But before them, I was literally alone for about five months. I had not one friend, no companion, and my family lives 500 miles away. Being introverted and thinking made it extremely difficult for me to find friends, much less a love interest. I would want to meet someone, but didn't trust them, had cynical thoughts about the possible relationships that could follow, and basically said that the only way to get someone's attention would be to release the feeling side, while reining in the thinking. But being INTJ, I refused to alter who I was, not even to get someone's attention. It's a big mental barrier when it comes to people. I've yet to find an efficient way of getting out there and meeting someone.

    • June 29, 2014 8:43:36 AM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      I have found that INTJ women are attractive, but it's generally to a certain type of guy, normally other T's and NT's in particular. You are right that it's not the most feminine of types, that being the ESFJ (my exact opposite), but I don't see that as a bad thing. There is an idea that women are meant to be emotional, clingly, scared a lot, need a man to giude them and support them. I personally baulk at the idea of that kind of relationship! I want equality and if a guy doesn't want that - i'm happy to not be their type!

    • June 30, 2014 7:09:20 PM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      I completely agree. I don't need someone to carry me on their backs throughout a relationship. I enjoy a competitive streak, being teammates, companions, etc. If I can make a mindmate out of someone, I'm halfway won over. I enjoy the NT types like you said too. I consider the INTP like a brother or sister type for me. I find you guys enlightening and able to keep up with out of the box ideas. Sensors wreck my nerves for a few reasons. Constantly being in the here and now and the past drains me, but I found a closeness with ISTPs and I can't help but admire the energy of ESTPs. Maybe I just need my people to think before they feel haha

    • July 3, 2014 4:11:00 PM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      Competitive streak, teammates and a friend is what I want in a relationship. It's more fun and more real. I have tried acting like an ESFJ and I do get asked out more, but by guys who bore the crap out of me! I know two guy who are married to an ESFJ's, and they both say they like logical women. And they do, but evidently not for a wife! I have no idea what men want from a woman or out of a relationship. And while I want to mock them for not really knowing what they want from us, I don't really know what i want from them! All my relationships have gone wrong and a lot of the common denominators were either my inferior (Fe) preventing me from talking to them and making me miserable, or their inferior. I started reading MBTI for an explanation into myself, and an insight into men. Still waiting for that insight :P

      Sensors drive me nuts. Trying to date on now and gave him the test. He asked what difference has the answer made to his life? He wasn't sure if he was an extrovert or introvert and wasn't interested in knowing. I can't imagine not wanting to know that about myself! It's draining having to explain to someone the merits of self-awareness.

      My sister and one of my friends are ISFJ's and i find them okay to get on with, especially with other ppl around. I need a barrier when I'm around S types, to kinda lose the brunt of their full S-type force......

    • July 12, 2014 9:23:43 AM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      Hey hey hey! I wish people would stop thinking/saying intj women are non romantic robots. We are still women! I love romance and shoes and cute little puppies. The difference is that this (fluffy mush) isnt ALL we are about!

      We lead with intelligence then sparkle our feminine side when we see that the person isnt a dud or bimbo in the head. Where as certain other types actually are annoyed by intelligent people because they just cant keep up or are too focused on thinking that every problem in life is just a Starbucks away or that they are better people because they have alot of "friends" who like to be overly emotional too. Give me an Anderson Cooper, Bill Gates, Oprah, and we can go on endless Ted Talk dates and end the night with wine and passion!

      This post was edited by badgirliam at March 6, 2017 7:07:39 PM PST
    • July 12, 2014 1:40:35 PM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      I have to know a guy and care about him before I'll show him my girlie side. It's exposing a private side to me that only a select few get to know, and like you - they have to appeal to my intellect before I'll show them how feminine I can be. I work next to the marketing team, and they make me ashamed to be a woman. All this talk about shoes, hats, heels, shopping, etc. I have more depth than that, and want a guy who appreciates that.

    • October 10, 2014 7:20:00 PM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      If you're intimidating a guy, there lies a possibility of that guy feeling inadequate. Which can be as equally positive as negative. And yes, I'm speaking from experience. LOL
      Often times I've felt intimidated with equal reactions of "I'm not good enough" and "CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!"
      @aboutwhat, disconnecting emotions from social interactions is a skill that I am most envious of. Just being honest.

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