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    • March 7, 2016 8:36:01 AM PST
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      I doubt I'm the only one who gets labelled as a feminist because they think women should be able hold their own in a conversation. I count it as a basic standard to any relationship. If you are finding guys who are intimidated by your intelligence, I would call that natural selection working in your favor. In fact, if you could just stand at a corner of the party, in your short skirt and your loooong lab coat, and turn down suitors with a lash of your tongue, wouldn't you feel you have the upper hand in that situation? I just wish there were more INTJs to go around.

      This post was edited by Baelan at July 15, 2018 4:17:56 PM PDT
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    • April 12, 2016 11:12:26 PM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      I'm an INTJ. My best friend calls me Meg-bot because on the outside I seem cold. Lol. She's an ENFP. Because my personality is elusive, and it comes off as "hard to get," I attract all the douchebags who are out for a conquest. The good guys... They aren't forward enough with me. It's not in my nature to seek out attention. The girls who are "needy" always seem to get the good guys who want commitment. Sometimes I think if I presented myself as more of a sob case, the great guys in my life would have felt more wanted. And don't get me wrong, they were wanted. I just had a hard time expressing that.
      I once dated an ENTJ. It felt like meeting a soulmate. He made me laugh like no one else, was interesting, and we intrigued and inspired eachother. However, we were both so unattached, it never went past "getting to know eachother." There was no emotional attachment keeping us together, so we eventually summoned logic and decided it wasn't right.

    • April 13, 2016 7:44:41 AM PDT
    • Harder to be INTJ girl?

      @Mbo93, so true!

      I too attract douchebags who want conquest. I also attract a few good guys who want commitment, who cry and complain because I'm not 'needy' enough. Another category is really ugly guys who are physically attracted to me, so they don't care about my personality.

    • May 6, 2016 12:48:44 PM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      I would think it is, especially since society expects us women to be "feminine" and "in tune with feelings" (whether those feelings be our own or others' feelings), and yet it seems that women who are in "The Rationals" (NT) category are seen as "cold" and thus, unfeminine. Sure, I feel content with the person I am, but it just sucks that society makes it difficult to accept that not all women feel inclined to "flirt." I don't know how to do it, and every time I try to do it, I feel out of my element. Though, on the bright side, I suppose I have an easier time being selective about the company I keep.

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    • May 12, 2016 7:42:45 AM PDT
    • Harder to be INTJ girl?

      INTJs make me harder.

    • June 14, 2016 11:34:56 AM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      I'm tired of being alone. It seems like any attempt I try to make at connecting with others, no matter how much expression or affection I show, is futile. Sometimes it feels like there is something wrong with my fundamental personality that puts people off, even though I know there is nothing wrong with me per se. At least, I keep trying to tell myself that.

      I feel wholly unappreciated. I've striven to be extremely loyal, moral, and dedicated as a friend; to be nurturing and selfless when my friends need me. Yet, what do I get in return? Complete and utter rejection. People seem to just forget that I exist and move on with their lives because they've grown tired of me.

      If you're wondering how I feel as an INTJ female...well that's about the gist of it. Friendships are so far and few in my life. Sometimes I wonder what I did wrong to deserve this. (am I not a good friend/person, etc...)

      My career life is also nothing to brag about, despite the fact that people have told me that I'm "intelligent." It makes me wonder if I really am intelligent or secretly stupid. I work three times as hard as most people (two jobs, never any days off ever-and very rarely nights off) and seem to get nowhere in life. My life is a logical conundrum as well as an emotional one. I can't see a logical or emotional way out of the pit. I've never been good at interacting in office culture, I've been fired from two office jobs because they just "didn't think I was fitting in." I think it's because I never seem to fit in with the other women in the office, I have no kids, not married, and I'm not good at gossiping. I couldn't even fake it if I wanted to. That being said, I have zero desire to work in an office for the rest of my life anyway. I really just want to find a job that will allow me to make enough money to pay my bills and save up so that I can move out on my own. I'm tired of working retail/food service/customer service jobs, people are so frustrating and rude no matter how polite you are to them.

      To older INTJ females: Does it ever get any better or easier?

    • July 13, 2016 2:31:42 PM PDT
    • Harder to be INTJ girl?

      There is no other way around than to widen the circle and find likeminded individuals. As you grow more accepting of how you have to comply and fake it, it will probably lead to extreme bitterness.

      As for being an INTJ female, I'd say the hardest thing is that you can forge a relationship/compatibility with just anyone, but very few people are able to do the same for you. This is of course just a generalization, but males in general tend to be less demanding when it comes to finding a mate, while females don't want to lower the bar. Accepting the mediocricity is just not our first instinct, so we may end up just being alone for the rest of our lives if we don't choose to accept imperfection in our lives (however cruel that might sound) or are unlucky in finding the few ones that meet our standards.

    • July 26, 2016 4:49:20 PM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      "It's interesting to note all of the INTJ's who posted here thus far are Sexual/Social. That's probably not a coincidence. My guess is we should be thankful for that, as far as dating goes anyway... Seems to me our INTJ brethren with different instincts are a little worse off."
      (Can't quote because kindle fire reasons... x_x)

      Ehh, yeah it kinda sucked until I learned that if I just focus on doing everything well, and just let my actions speak for me, instead of only thinking about what I'm going to do in the next 5 seconds and worrying about what everyone thinks of me all the time, things got much simpler. It helps if I surround myself with NP types, they can pick up on the fact that I'm not being arrogant, I'm being honest.

      It's interesting to think of this from a female perspective, I suppose it would be more difficult regardless of whether we are talking relationships or general life, with all the cultural expectations, though I'll probably run it by my INTP buddy to be sure. :P

      Tossing up my individual attribute splits for any interested in some scientific exploration:
      81/19% I/E
      52/48% N/S
      72/28% T/F
      68/32% J/P

      This post was edited by JeremiahMabry at July 26, 2016 5:56:50 PM PDT
    • August 10, 2016 8:39:16 AM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      I'm completely incompetent at flirting and relationship. Too direct normally, but I'm even more incompetent at indirect. I tried it one time and it was a complete desaster. I went to his table tennis tournament and we agreed to go eat something after it or go to some bar. The end result was: we met with to friends of his, one was a girl and the two guys where very interested in her.
      A friend told me later, that the guy thought I was interested in table tennis and not a relationship.

      Maybe dating and relationships are a bit harder for INTJ gals, but hey other things are much easier. When I think how long my friends need to decide some so trivial things like their haircut or if they should buy book x or book y, I'm sometimes relieved.

    • August 17, 2016 11:40:48 AM PDT
    • Harder to be INTJ girl?

      Yep. It really is very hard. People in general don't get you. It's very tiresome sometimes.
      Also I'm pretty bad at dating too ha.

    • August 19, 2016 3:59:13 PM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      If you think it's hard to be an INTJ girl, try being with an INTJ girl...

    • August 22, 2016 2:05:08 PM PDT
    • Harder to be INTJ girl?

      Ha. I believe you no questions asked. I know my first boyfriend had it hard. He was an angel of patience and understanding.

    • August 22, 2016 2:05:10 PM PDT
    • Harder to be INTJ girl?

      Ha. I believe you no questions asked. I know my first boyfriend had it hard. He was an angel of patience and understanding.

    • August 29, 2016 10:21:26 AM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      I'm new to this site and stumbled upon this post. I've been reading many of the replies and am fascinated to read what other people think of women like me.

      As an INTJ, I find it extremely difficult to connect with others and have been this way for as long as I can remember. I've always felt different and I strongly suspect the reason for this to be multi-faceted.

      I tend to come across as being too reserved and standoffish to others, a problem I've had all my life. Mostly I'm aloof and just not paying attention to people. I'm too busy doing my own thing.

      I do find myself being attracted to other intelligent people and have recently been chatting with INFJ who I find to be quite fascinating. We have the best conversations which is AMAZING to me since few people speak my language.

    • October 2, 2016 4:07:03 PM PDT
    • Harder to be INTJ girl?

      I've only ever been an INTJ and can't imagine what it'd be like to be anything or anyone else other than an "INTJ female." I've been testing INTJ since taking the test first as a junior in High school as part of the AP track. Once I embraced who I am fully including the parts of me outside of my MBTI characteristics and inside them I found myself less concerned with what others expect of me and more concerned about being able to live life to the fullest.

      So many more things impact relationships than MBTI personality distinction. Pigeonholing myself into the confines of any definition limits me and being limited is one thing I refuse to accept from anyone, especially myself.

      This post was edited by Deleted Member at December 27, 2016 5:13:48 PM PST
    • October 9, 2016 11:29:28 AM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      I'm INTP but sometimes type as INTJ. Despite dressing quite feminine, I've always been counted as "one of the guys". Been told multiple times that I'm intimidating to approach in a romantic way (which is a great combination with my difficulty in initiating conversation/making any sort of first move). I wouldn't say it's hard though, as I don't really care; I just get on with my work.

      On a side note though, I've noticed that INTJ females seem to be linked to feminism which I find interesting as I am quite the opposite: an anti-feminist, if anything.

    • October 28, 2016 10:24:09 AM PDT
    • Harder to be INTJ girl?

      INTJ Woman, not Girl (sorry, pet peeve)

      I'm a INTJ, through and through. The profile has always fit me since I first took a MB test in college 15 + years ago. I've taken them time and again and it always rings true for me as an INTJ. I was really surprised that someone was able to pin-point my life from childhood, and explain why I always felt out of place, different, misunderstood, and tomboyish (even though I tried hard to be girly).

      Although my outward appearance and style is very feminine, personality wise, i am very masculine and dominating. I have found it difficult to click with other women unless they're strong as well. I also have a low tolerance for Bull, so those who spew it readily will be shown the door swiftly. While I have developed my feeling side (i think that was developed when I became a mother) I still find it difficult.

      As far as other MB personalities, I've only ever really connected w/ an ENTJ but a romance with that person was not meant to be.

      I still find it difficult to connect w/ men and to be understood.

      It is what it is and i've learned to accept it at this point. Life sure is strange.

      This post was edited by Deleted Member at October 28, 2016 10:25:44 AM PDT
    • November 3, 2016 10:36:32 AM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      There's a cultural issue at work here. The vast majority of people are caught in this binary philosophy: connection can either happen with everybody or nobody. If some particular person is hard to connect with, then that means they're hard to connect with for everybody. This misconception is fueled by mass media, popular culture, and ignorance about personality theory, and it's pretty sad. I've seen all too many relationships crumble because of horrendously illogical typings (including a friend of mine whose parents are ISFP and ENTJ).

      INTJ girls (and women. I think "girl" sounds prettier; "woman" seems a little harsh and pretentious) are wonderful, inspiring people that have a lot to offer - but not to everybody. The people that love INTJ girls, like I do, have trouble finding them, especially if we don't happen to be familiar with Myers Briggs and never realize that the traits we're looking for can be so succinctly summed up.

      It's harder to be an INTJ girl than any other type not because the world isn't ready for bold types. ENTJ girls are far bolder, but have an easier time. What makes it so difficult to find emotional connection and happiness as an INTJ girl is that you have an unfortunate mix of supreme strangeness and unexpected shyness. ENTJ girls are a) less strange, and b) more likely to establish themselves and wear their personalities on their sleeves.
      The salvation of the INTJ female in our society is the population of people - men and women - devoted to having deep insight into people. These open minded, intellectually curious individuals, regardless of type, will take the requisite time to understand and connect with the rare birds of mbti. In my experience, however, the main impediment to this salvation is that those insightful people tend to be beaten down by the world, having low self esteems, especially at an early age. Thus, when exposed to the RBF of INTJs, will assume their company is unwanted and may never act on or admit their interest, be it sexual or amicable. I know many such people like this, and I constantly encourage them to take risks and engage the soft-spoken-but-bold girls in their lives.

      I think the simplest and most effective solution is to spread awareness of type. And this won't be accomplished through international INTJ girl day. It won't be accomplished through seminars. It won't even be accomplished by awesome but dinky dating sites like this one. What must happen to create awareness of this tool and spare the world of the idiocratic brain-drain caused by the female INTJ plight is to integrate Myers Briggs into mainstream social media. I have an idea for this that I've been working on that will let you label your friends by type on Facebook, but dreams rarely come true so we'll see what happens. It would be nice if someone else took up the mantle as well.

    • November 12, 2016 7:51:40 PM PST
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      It is challenging. But I love my identity, now. I'm awesome and I know it. The NF males are stereotypically female so they get it and seem attracted to NT females.

      I find that confident men love my stereotypically male perspective and attitudes. I enjoy great relationships with intelligent men looking for interesting conversation. Generally, it's easiest to have relationships and with utilitarians, thinkers, and/or other Intuitives, both thinkers and feelers.

    • November 16, 2016 9:46:32 PM PST
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      Dating as an INTJ in my experience isn't the same as what a lot of women on here said. Maybe because I live in the Bay Area/ tech center? The trouble I've found, really isn't about finding men who are attracted, it's more that INTJ WOMEN CANT GREENLIGHT. We either cannot or do not flirt, and in an extravert dominated female population, we are a far harder person to approach as a result. Men grow weary of constant rejection, and so they won't typically approach a woman who isn't obviously interested or friendly.

      This also means that men who like a challenge, aka players, tend to be the ones who approach. When this happens, it works to our disadvantage, as is spooks everyone else, and you now have no other men( some of real quality who aren't so inflated in ego) willing to approach.

      My advises to all the other INTJ women, is to go as far toward the feminine as possible for you. Ive only ever been successful meeting men and entering meaningful relationships when I actively emphasize this aspect of myself( and there isn't a whole lot I've noticed to work with.) As superficial as it sounds, what you wear can make a difference in this, just go for softer or lighter colors, silky, fuzzy, soft, sheer, fitted well, and even heels(no, not stilettos, I'm talking a few inches) if you can deal. If your seriously having issues and want to have a slightly wider dating pool, as superficial as it seems, this all works pretty well.

      As far as the relationship part is concerned, I've always run into the same thing. Personality functions are much harder to adjust, so I end up being too "harsh" and "no fun." My partners always end up feeling inadequate as the relationship hits the two year mark. Their once high confidence levels( and masculinity) seems to wither and disappear. They start being more sensitive to how I act, and worrying about how deserving or worthy they are. I even had a few explicitly wonder why I was still in a relationship with them. It seems to stem from an apparent lack of "need" for them. I haven't yet found a solution or tactic to combat this phenomenon. Obviously the relationships fall apart when one person's self-esteem and gender role turns into an internal chrisis.

      Sometime I wonder if I'm really just a heartbreaking,cold person. It has made me super cautious about who I seriously date out of fear that they don't have a high enough self-esteem to withstand being in a relationship with me :(

      I think I'm warmer and more open with my emotions than the typical INTJ is discribed. Maybe it's because I've only dated extraverted feeling folks....

      This post was edited by mandm at March 30, 2018 8:26:40 PM PDT
    • November 24, 2016 5:00:46 PM PST
    • Harder to be INTJ girl?

      Well, as a male INTJ I think male and female INTJ share a lot of difficulties when it comes to flirting and dating. And at first it may seem that INTJ men have more difficulties, because as men they are expected to be the active part in dating and flirting. And INTJ women, well, there are always enough men standing in line, they just have to choose one.
      Well, the reality how both sexes choose their partners is different. I'll tell you a secret: all women including INTJs have a "genetic" defect, which is called the MORE syndrome. Not only more sex, more christmas gifts, more divorce settlement, even more in choosing a partner! Which means women are always looking up for the better man. And there is a secret order for all women: he must not be more stupid than me! But we men don't have that defect and many intelligent men get hutstled from a sexy blonde bimbo.
      Given a similar, normal distribution of intelligence in both sexes, you do the math. This cannot work! All intelligent women like INTJs looking for a partner do have a huge problem: thin air in their high elevation hunting grounds.
      There's a youtube video of Bernhard Ludwig about it.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAp7PmrjP7I
      it's german/austrian, but all keywords are English and the drawing explains itself. If you understand German it's just more funny (yes, we Germans do have a sense of humor, as long as you don't mention the war ;) ).

    • January 18, 2017 3:03:05 AM PST
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      I think it's hard to be an INTJ as a whole, not just for women. But I find it easier to communicate with ENFP's/ INFP's, mainly because they seem to be drawn to our type for some reason. However, that may be with just me. I'd like to read what the rest of you guys think. xD

    • January 18, 2017 3:00:14 PM PST
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      Niah, what's your experience with NTPs? I don't ask out of selfishness - it's from theory. INTJs are often paired with ENTPs and ENFPs equally, so you've expressed chemistry with one half and not the other.

      I'd think INTPs would be attracted to you as well, especially if you're one of the more headstrong INTJs (or, rather, more openly headstrong). And commensurately I'd expect them to be relatively easy to talk to

    • January 18, 2017 3:03:23 PM PST
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      As NTs, INTJs are known to be one of the most intellectual and analytical types (I imagine many would argue THE most, but I don't want to start another INTP vs INTJ debate). However, in my experience, while INTJ boys are outwardly intellectual, INTJ girls seem categorically shy. I often find it difficult to have an intellectually intense discussion with an INTJ girl, whereas such discussion with male INTJs seems ineluctable. I blame this on gender bias and stereotype threat, but I'd like to hear more from your perspective as INTJ girls yourselves. Have you noticed the same pattern of shyness? If so, from what do you think it stems? And what can you or I or anyone do to mitigate it?

    • January 18, 2017 9:42:06 PM PST
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      I haven't met enough NTP's to give you statistically correct answer. However, there are a couple who seem drawn to me because of my dominant/leadership side. As for the shy part, I think that depends on the person and I also believe that it changes over time. For example, I used to be very shy (even then you could've initiated an intellectual conversation), but over the years it almost completely went away. And I used to be so shy that I missed university classes because I was afraid that my colleagues would talk to me. It's not so hard to overcome it, you just have to push yourself in scary social situations and see that it's not so bad, instead of avoiding confrontation like the plague. I think that most INTJ girls are labelled as shy because we are more emotional than guys, and the hormones react to us more (periods etc). Moreover, if an INTJ is shy, no matter if he/she is a male or female, it's most likely due to being a loner as a child or having few friends that do not understand you. Of course, this is just an opinion based on observation and experience and is neither empirically proven nor scientifical.

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