Forums Personality Rationals INTJ - Mastermind
  • Topic: Harder to be INTJ girl?

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    • January 20, 2017 5:48:23 AM PST
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      Where are all these conquest types you INTJ ladies speak of? I can't find any dudes who are manlier than I am :S Unless they are military maybe. And then they are dumb, sometimes.

    • January 20, 2017 8:33:32 AM PST
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      Since romance is generally regarded as a feminine endeavour, and the INTJ woman in any case prefers to hide her core personal qualities from society, it stands to reason that they draw the attention of easily dominated beta males on one hand, and superficial idiots on the other.

    • January 21, 2017 7:24:59 AM PST
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      You want someone with intellectual intensity to match your own and an interest in dissecting you strong enough that he's likely to succeed. The types most likely to satisfy those conditions are INTJs, INFJs, ENTPs, and ENFPs. But I recommend against dating an Ni dom. So ENTPs and ENFPs. You also want someone manly, but I find this term vague and unhelpful. If what you want is someone who lacks emotional sensitivity to about the same extent you do, you're best off going for an ENTP. However, if you want something more sensitive and more romantic, go with ENFP.

      Of course, these are guidelines. Individual results may vary. There's still plenty of chemistry to be had between INTJs and other types, and there are pairs of ENFP and ENTP where the former is "manlier". So keep an open mind, but I recommend you start with a nice, smart ENTP boy to play around with.

    • February 14, 2017 7:44:49 PM PST
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      what do you consider manly? and what do you consider unmanly? and why do you consider military as manly?

    • March 12, 2017 8:41:07 AM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      I tend to switch between INTJ and INFJ with my Thinking and Feeling being nearly 50-50. I find that perhaps it is harder for 'us' but I think we're the ones making it harder on ourselves. Looking at myself I tend to overthink and analyse people I'm dating. They'll still be in the 'getting to know you' mind set and I'm thinking about if we'll still be compatible in 10 years time based on our views, hobbies, estimated intelligence and personality quirks. Also, wondering what the kids would be like and whether or not we'd agree on what school to send them to (internally, not out loud) while ordering a cup of coffee does make me come off as somewhat reserved ;)

      Not many guys find that attractive mostly since these are 'background processes' running while I try to hold a casual conversation. I'm not surprised they don't 'feel a click' as I'll be elsewhere at the time.

    • March 16, 2017 2:25:06 AM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      i believe in the same principle,
      i ask them about the same directly,
      if i feel i am interested in that type, i will invest my time and energy
      in that person, even as a friend....

      why waste a few months figuring them out, and then saying
      its not gonna work, while i can leverage my knowledge and
      do it immediately.

    • April 3, 2017 7:44:26 PM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      I have one INTJ friend. He and i are close. We belong to two different volunteer organizations. We met in one, i expressed an interest in the other and got an intro through him. He's pretty intelligent. It makes me wonder what a relationship with an INTJ girl would be like? Intriguing to be sure. For all you NT women out there, do not give up! There is an NT or NF man out there who would be thrilled to meet you and to be challenged by your wonderful intellect. I can see where it could be hard to be an NT female. Hell, i find it hard as an NT male to find friends, let alone females as lovers.

    • April 16, 2017 3:35:27 PM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      I have 2 INTJ female friends and I don't think they have problems to attract people. I mean, even being introspective types, they're so clearly smart and interesting that people often fall for them. They have high standards, though.

    • May 1, 2017 9:20:05 AM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      @Sshelly34213:

      Here are some lines I quote from your comment:

      "Friendships are so far and few in my life. Sometimes I wonder what I did wrong to deserve this. (am I not a good friend/person, etc...)"
      "I've never been good at interacting in office culture, I've been fired from two office jobs because they just "didn't think I was fitting in." I think it's because I never seem to fit in with the other women in the office, I have no kids, not married, and I'm not good at gossiping. I couldn't even fake it if I wanted to."
      "To older INTJ females: Does it ever get any better or easier?"

      I'm a 38 year old INTJ who got an ASD dx in January. If Asperger's would still have been listed in the DSM manual, then I would have gotten that as my dx.
      Now I understand why my life has been as hard as it has been: it's a real Aha-Erlebnis.
      I joined a female group on fb and like 30 to 40% of them are INTJ's.

      You might want to check out this list of traits as wel...

      https://taniaannmarshall.wordpress.com/2013/03/26/moving-towards-a-female-profile-the-unique-characteristics-abilities-and-talents-of-asperwomen-adult-women-with-asperger-syndrome/

      This post was edited by Celeste at May 1, 2017 9:22:04 AM PDT
    • June 17, 2017 2:25:06 AM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      You might think so, but because they are neither Fe users, or have Si anywhere in their function stack, I really doubt I'll ever meet an INTJ with low self-esteem because they don't fit in. The INTJs I've met have always been socially savvy as well.

      As for the guys who are easily intimidated... wouldn't we all prefer someone with a healthy self esteem? Guys without that tend to be patronizing in long term relationships.

    • June 18, 2017 8:21:44 AM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      Almondmilk - consider societal norms when judging men as having low self esteem around an outspoken woman. He may be trying to be polite. He also may not have experience with a woman who is bold as they are not common. Therefore, he may not quite know how to interact until they get to know each other. Human relationships are complicated, to say the least..

    • September 19, 2017 11:39:30 PM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      I agree with you completely. I feel like it's bittersweet because it's easy to weed out the ones who are not compatible with us, due to their own insecurities. I can't answer the "What do we do" part of the post because I have yet to figure that part out. lol my problem is that I'm very straightforward, and I do not enjoy or understand the mind games that apparently come with dating. Like I said, it's bittersweet. :T

    • September 20, 2017 6:22:58 AM PDT
    • Harder to be INTJ girl?

      Excuse me for butting in, Candy (May I call you that?), but I do not think straightforwardness is a problem. It's an amazing filter that you have. An awesome ability. :)

    • September 20, 2017 7:24:34 AM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      thank you! i don't think my straightforwardness is a bad thing either, but it has scared away all the men i have tried to connect with. whatever. lol

    • September 23, 2017 8:29:46 PM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      I try not to worry about intimidating men, and if they happen to be intimidated that is their problem. In recent years I have been able to find a few halfway decent men, only problem is they don't see me as a female! It is hard, however my personality tends to naturally weed out the people who are not worth my time,

    • September 24, 2017 9:29:24 AM PDT
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      The problem here is that we only have anecdotal evidence and no outside observation to corroborate your particular situation.

      Both Elaine and Night, we have heard that your straightforwardness and intimidation scare away men or you're not seen as female, etc. Here on an internet forum we have no way of confirming if that's truly the case or if you're generally unapproachable/standoffish which you perceive as being straightforward/intimidating. I'm truly not trying to be disparaging, rather providing a different perspective of what I've just read for the purposes of discussion and reflection.

      Now I'm willing to bet a lot of information is not available considering how short the thread has been so far...but what context I've been able to read seems like a very passive, waiting for them to come to me, kind of approach. Unfortunately, getting out there is hard, especially for introverted personalities...but have you considered what efforts you've made on your own part to be open towards meeting people? As a guy, I absolutely hate that the social standard is that guys have to be the chasers and put in the effort of making contact when it could just as easily be something that both sexes could do (not to say that it doesn't, but we're talking in generalizations here). Right now, there's a lady that I've been chatting with for over three months now...went out to dinner a few weeks ago and I tried setting something up for this weekend. She had things with her house she needed to so, which I understand because things get busy. But I put it back on her to setup the next date because I setup the last date, paid for dinner, and tried to setup the second date. So I'm waiting to see if she's going to follow up and actually show some interest or if it's not worth putting my time into. So far it's been several days without contact and we were originally chatting back and forth almost daily. At this point if I don't hear from her in a week, I'm probably going to give up on it because I don't really have any investment on this and would rather not get involved with someone who isn't willing to put in a minimal amount of effort. I'm curious if you are finding yourself in similar situations perhaps with men just fading off the radar because they are getting the impression that you're not interested at all?

      There's a lot of different variables involved in relationships so to try and totally analyze every aspect would be incredibly difficult to do over an internet forum. But I do believe that there are definitely guys out there who would be interested given the right circumstances. I think the reflection piece to ask yourself is, 'are you helping or hindering that process'?

      Personally, I think being straightforward is refreshing because I hate this social expectation as well, but it's also something that needs to be in measure along with all other things in life because an excess of that is probably going to backfire in some ways. Just like honesty...yeah in 99% of cases honesty is the best policy but there are always exceptions to the rule and unfortunately interpersonal relations don't always go so smoothly. I dunno, just something to consider I guess.

    • November 3, 2017 6:19:35 AM PDT
    • Harder to be INTJ girl?

      It's not hard, it's funny. I am straightforward and know what I want. I don't find myself masculine but my brain sometimes is.

      I felt great conections with male ENFPs and ENTPs. I can handle any introvert but... there is 0 progress overall.

    • November 5, 2017 9:59:35 AM PST
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      @mnadmin thank you, i definitely understand where you're coming from. I know you're not trying to be disparaging, and yes you're right, you don't know us in person, we could be terrible people. lol i'd like to think I'm not a terrible person, as most people. I also don't think guys should be the only ones carrying the responsibility when it comes to actively pursuing, which is why I'm so straightforward... it just that the men i pick usually still want me in their lives, just not as a romantic partner. I think my picker is just off. lol

    • November 8, 2017 8:23:23 PM PST
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      Sometimes I wonder the same thing myself...

    • November 14, 2017 11:25:26 PM PST
    • Harder to be INTJ girl?

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      helinlin20171116

    • November 14, 2017 11:36:32 PM PST
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      helinlin20171116

    • January 2, 2018 10:07:25 AM PST
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      -

      This post was edited by Sleepthief at February 7, 2018 7:33:02 AM PST
    • January 27, 2018 3:30:53 PM PST
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      If we believe in the MBTI theory, it would suggest that N types belong matched with other N types for best compatibility. Though we are practical people, paradoxically, we're also dreamers and futurists. The 75% of the world who are S types don't speak our language. NTs are known to be straightforward, and most of the other 90% of the world consider this to be rude. NTs consider forthrightness to be a virtue.

      INTJ or INTP ladies - It's OK to ask a guy you like out for a coffee or a drink or whatever. Make it low key, and start a conversation with them about something intellectual. Use that to see if they have substance. Give the guy a set-up or opening to succeed in asking you out for your second "outing" or first "real" date.

      If there are any NT women in the LA area who might like an adventure (gallery, take in some entertainment downtown, meetup hike in the mountains, etc), PM me..

    • January 29, 2018 8:06:14 AM PST
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      If you think INTP women are ever going to take the initiative of formally asking a man on a date, you have become a paragon of hopeful thinking.

      It is equally unrealistic to expect INTJ women to ask someone on a date, but at least it is conceivable (so long as it is not called a date, and romantic intercourse is not made explicit.) Most likely they will invite you to an event of mutual interest, but they will prefer to emphasise their interest in the object, and not in the person.

    • February 8, 2018 3:21:00 PM PST
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      Harder to be INTJ girl?

      I'm an INTJ; my daughter is an INTJ. Female INTJs have it hard, no doubt about it.

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