I'm an INTJ, and an exceptionally strong scoring one. There were no iffy grounds on my MBTI testing scores.

First, defining "hard" without context is a bit challenging. However, given the length of time that this post has existed, and the validity to the questions and content of answers, I may be able to provide some personal feedback.

I have never had a relationship where my partner was not only intimidated by my personality, but also where the conflict of personality was the catalyst for ending the relationship, except for one, where the other party was an INTJ, in which we were essentially a power couple but too competitive within the constraints of our individual rather than collective visions.

In hindsight, my string of relationships was as such:
ENFP, ISTJ, ISFJ, INTJ, INFP, INFP, ENFJ, ISFP, ISTP, ISFJ.

What failed me in romantic partner relationships has imbued my success in career fields. My driving dedication and non-stop work and solution mentality, ability to be objective at all times (especially under duress or changeable circumstances), adaptability, and vision were welcome in the work force. I just wish these strengths were valued as much in a personal romantic relationship.

I agree that gender roles, particularly in westernized culture, condone a particular mindset as to what a woman with INTJ type of characteristics is meant for. Media especially typifies this type of woman as being cold, heartless, cunning, and cruel 'bitch', whereas the typical girl next door with the bubbly smile, extroversion of a cheerleader, sympathetically flowing vocabulary, and emotions to make Cary Grant cry like a baby is relished with enthusiasm. Which thus feeds into the social stigma, making it that much more of a challenge for those of us INTJ females.

I'd also like to point out the same is conversely true for INFJ males. I have a brother who is an INFJ, and also scored very strongly on the MBTI (no 50/50 scoring here). Over the years I have watched experience repeatedly a similar challenge to the gender and social role typing. He is a microbiologist and can appear to be very analytical because of the strong NJ combination. However, he is acutely aware of the person-person dynamics and when conflict arises it can be debilitating to him. Society seems to ignore these perceived outliers that do not allow male INFJ's and female INTJ's the flexibility to express themselves without ridicule or misunderstanding.

I'd love to see some media express a positive, healthy INTJ female as also being a nurturing mother, caring wife, and politically powerful CEO of a company. Let that sink in. How often do we see the role of a female CEO of a company with all of those characteristics?

Just because female INTJ's may come across with a particular emotional or intellectual stance, does not mean that we are smarter or less sensitive than others. It just means that there are less of us that experience stimuli in the same way as that of the majority, and as such, those that are in the majority will try to use their quantifiers to define how they perceive the INTJ female. Can you imagine a male ESFP trying to define a female INTJ? Or perhaps an ISTJ trying to define an INFP male?

At the end of the day, perspectives of the majority will be the perspectives trying to set the definitions for those that are in the minority. Because there are very few INTJ females (and INFJ males), how we are perceived through an MBTI, or whatever named personality test, will be interpreted by those that have written the rules for interpretation. My question is...what personality type wrote those rules? Unless they were an INTJ, I am inclined to doubt the observations were objective enough to truly and realistically be able to approach the data without a society bias that would be exemplified.

For those INTJ parents with INTJ children, THANK YOU FOR EXISTING! :)

This post was edited by INTJDesertgirl at May 27, 2019 11:00:21 AM PDT

you can tell me everything, but yes it is hard to be intj, it is hard to lack social something.. and its even harder to be intj girl than intj male

lol being a male Intj is even hard when 90% of your colleagues are females.

blackmaster, baby I mean just woman are even more expected in my opinion of course.. i assume that they are expected to have higher "social" skills.. and fake politeness.. well and I guess nobody likes when woman is much smarter than you.. and obviously when woman do not give a damn about partner's opinion.. it is not if your colleagues are males or females, my best friend is woman, i see her everyday in my bathroom

INTJ girls are unicorns: something rare, unique, & cool, but also rational and logical. Conversation & social skills tend to be something to work at. I just find myself content, though not always at ease, with realizing that there are some people I click with and some I don't, and treasure the ones that I can interact with in a deeper way. People usually lose me when I can't get any depth out of the conversation or out of their personality.

"higher social skills". "fake politeness" I'd prefer genuine & willingness to contribute to the conversation & try to feign interest if you're really interested. I mean, the INTJ girls I've been friends with or the ENTJ I was with didn't do good with emotions but I could see their emotions and interest in their body language. INTJ girls don't purposely show their emotions but it seems to come out in other ways. As far as smarter, that depends the meaning of "smarter".

This post was edited by YouKneeKornBlud at October 23, 2018 7:11:01 AM PDT

@INTJDesertgirl
This may sound sexist, but I've never seen a woman who can fully devote herself to being a fully focused "caring wife & mother" and a CEO. There's some sort of compromise. But that is also to say to what degree is the husband/father involved?

I've seen long-term studies done on how a lot of high-achieving women are frustrated that they can't seem to land a man who is successful because said man does not want to compete with his wife or come home to the stress of her outside life....I'm not saying it's a bad thing, I'm saying what the studies have shown.

It's becoming a similar phenomena to how the 30 million bachelors in China can't find wives because there aren't enough women in China due to the fact that Chinese population control limited parents to 2 children and parents were either abandoning their newborn daughters or giving them up for overseas adoption because a son would carry on the family name and was highly desirable. Strange consequences in cultural shifts these past 30-40years.

This post was edited by YouKneeKornBlud at October 23, 2018 7:24:23 AM PDT

Do not be ridiculous, me as intj girl do not have any problems to show emotions, i have a problem to not show them; and well I am not going to adjust to crowd, I'm just saying my perspective as intj girl, I think it might be a problem to be one, but I never felt I want to solve it, it is like i should hit my head to the wall to be at the level of society.

@Monika123456
LOL. I'm not saying you have problems showing emotions, I guess I'm saying more so relational to attraction to men. At least, that's been my experience with INTJ women because of shyness....it just doesn't come off the same way...if you saw how most women interact with me vs. how INTJ women interact with me, you'd understand. It's actually cuter how INTJ women are with me vs. other women.
Who cares if you don't fit social molds as a woman? I mean, as a man, I don't "fit in" socially, though people like to talk to me and I tend to have lasting impact on lot's of people. I don't adjust to the crowd...I just stand like a rock and hope people don't stub too many toes on me. You're not the problem, lady. Being INTJ is unique....feels like a curse sometimes, but would you rather fit in or be true to yourself and your values/innate structure?

"When....the whole world tells you to move, your job is to plant yourself beside the river of truth and tell the whole world, 'no, you move'." ~Captain America

That's kind of the INTJ motto for me. As far as an INTJ woman, society sucks. If you're not that social butterfly they want you to be, then you're the cold bitch. Funny how we have only a "this or that" situation....shallow society. I'm always in the "that" pile unless people are realists. That doesn't solve the social angst of an INTJ girl because they're different, but honestly, how do men see you? I mean, I see ENTJ/INTJ women as fun, cool, & smart. Not a floozy or cotton-headed whimsy or emotions-driven idiot that I cannot relate to mind, body, & soul. I find INTJ women elusive at the outset, but they are very loyal, perceptive, insightful, grounded, understanding, stable, & logical. Very good partner qualities. I mean, I feel worrying about understanding why you don't fit into society as you would like to tends to demean your personality & will simply be a problem until you die....the only way to fix it is push your comfort zones. Just my 2 cents worth....works in my life, though I'm still a social outcast. Just makes me appreciate those who appreciate me more. :D

(Besides, it's established fact that being an INTJ woman is simply an anomaly. Most every INTJ woman can attest to this. They tended to not be like most girls growing up and stuck out like a sore thumb and still do, though they are very attractive and alluring to men. And valued by their closest friend....maybe 2 closest friends.)

This post was edited by YouKneeKornBlud at May 27, 2019 11:03:04 AM PDT

Its definitely harder to be an INTJ female and I'm a black INTJ female.Black unicorns. People don't know what to do with me or how to take me. Im adorably mean and charmingly blunt, if thats even a thing. And it doesn't help that I'm 4'10 and people like to pat me on the head for being cute. But when I open my mouth and actually speak they are shocked because they don't come across women like me everyday. I find it more amusing than offensive.

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This post was edited by AyaB at October 23, 2018 6:11:09 PM PDT

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This post was edited by AyaB at October 23, 2018 6:10:54 PM PDT

So, basically, if Bernadette (adorably mean) & a charming Sheldon (charmingly blunt) had a baby.....

I don't find Sheldon charming just over the top and annoying. But the Bernadette is spot on.

Haha, that's why I said "charming Sheldon", to add to his personality the charming aspect of an INTJ. ;) Glad that Bernadette is spot on, but does that mean everyone is afraid of you in the workplace? "she sounds sexy when she's angry" ~Howard Wolowitz

So afraid

I honestly dont care if I intimidate a man, I wont tone it down for anyone. If they find me intimidating, I'm done. I want someone who will keep up. I enjoy being an INTJ. Yes I am intense, but I am also awesome. I'm fine being by myself, I can be happy that way, so I refuse to minimize my intensity so as not to scare someone off. The person who deserves to stand next to me does not want to extinguish my fire to make theirs appear brighter.

I honestly dont care if I intimidate a man, I wont tone it down for anyone. If they find me intimidating, I'm done. I want someone who will keep up. I enjoy being an INTJ. Yes I am intense, but I am also awesome. I'm fine being by myself, I can be happy that way, so I refuse to minimize my intensity so as not to scare someone off. The person who deserves to stand next to me does not want to extinguish my fire to make theirs appear brighter.

@Saityshell
Haha, nice explanation of an INTJ there. We're like Ents from LOTR....if theres anything worth saying, it takes a long time.....or for an INTJ, if we're into all the stuff we're into, we've invested a lot of time into it all, so we're intensely into it. I've been told by quite a few NF girlfriends that I'm intimidating, but they like it because they accept that I read more (so they say).
As for extinguishing your fire to make theirs appear brighter...as an INTJ, I'm just going to Intensely extinguish a fire with my intense water....but only if necessary, 'cause my fire is quite bright enough, thank you. :P :P

The grass is always greener on the other side. It would be impossible for us to be anyone other than who we are, not harder or easier.

I need to find me a INT woman (I dont think the P or J will matter much).

This post was edited by modernpaladin at July 3, 2019 9:35:20 PM PDT

I think that being an NT woman is hard, in that you don't fit the mold. Most women are feelers, and only 30ish percent of people are Intuitives. So, you often don’t provide people what they are expecting! You aren’t as emotional as most women are, and you aren’t interested in surface, shallow conversation. That can be disorienting to those expecting something different.

I think the greatest challenge each INTJ faces (regardless of gender) is the delicate balance between giving a damn about what others think about us and having any kind of social interaction at all. I guess we naturally tend to not give that damn, but it can lead to a surprisingly rapid total social isolation, something we don't really enjoy. But for a lot of us is still better than giving a damn. This is a vicious circle which makes us even more cynical about any social interaction and at the same time even more depressed as we lose hope about finding anyone who's worthy of a talk :)

PS: I repeatedly used "we" and "us" still I'm aware that it could only be "me" and "I". Just to avoid misunderstandings and getting off-topic.

Being an Australian, I am thoroughly enjoying the critical mass of exchanges here! The fact that there are enough people to weigh in and have an opinion (based on experience) on this very topic is novel. With such a small population we don't seem to have the numbers here to build a conversation around what I understand to be that rarest of types.....the INTJ female. Of course I could just be being true to type, and have been ignoring what is going on in the social world out there! If and when someone organises a gathering of NTs in this country, I will definitely make an effort to attend!

I find being in the least common personality type is a good explanation for why people so rarely understand what I'm saying, or just outright ignore me.... for longer than I want to admit I've assumed I was just dumb, and although that's always a possibility I understand that for INFJ it's often the case that our very intuitive minds move a lot faster than others', and that's why they so often don't understand. Or my favorite experience...when I say something it's like no one has spoken, but 5 minutes later sometime else says the exact same thing and it's returned with great enthusiasm. Anyone else?

I find being in the least common personality type is a good explanation for why people so rarely understand what I'm saying, or just outright ignore me.... for longer than I want to admit I've assumed I was just dumb, and although that's always a possibility I understand that for INFJ it's often the case that our very intuitive minds move a lot faster than others', and that's why they so often don't understand. Or my favorite experience...when I say something it's like no one has spoken, but 5 minutes later sometime else says the exact same thing and it's returned with great enthusiasm. Anyone else?