Forums Personality Romantics INFJ - Counselor
  • Topic: How do I find a match? INFJ...

    Back To Topics
    • September 5, 2015 6:27:02 AM PDT
      • Posts
        1
      • Thanks
        0
      • Thanked
        1
      • Rep
        0

      How do I find a match? INFJ...

      Internet dating just doesn't feel right. Waiting for the universe to strike seems to require infinite patience. I don't want to waste my time on anyone who isn't close to "just right" - serial dating sounds horridly uncomfortable (and as a single mom of four, time is at a premium). I also don't feel comfortable just casting a wide net and seeing what I catch; at my age, I don't have time to waste on most of what would turn up. And I am still gunshy from the ending of a very-long-term relationship (19 years; ended over 4 years ago) and am hesitant to risk my heart again. But I crave emotional intimacy and am feeling rather desperate to find a way to get that need filled - but not so desperate that I lose sight of my boundaries. Still feeling protective of my heart.

      My ex was a T (INTP), and I don't think I could ever have an iota of patience for a T again. My eldest teen is also a T, and I'm sick to death of having my feelings rationalized away. Can't go there again. How to find a good match who is not a T?

      With INFJs being 1-2% of the population, how the heck do you connect with each other IRL?

      I read that INFJs are often not proactive about reaching out to begin relationships. Are we all doomed to singledom? ;-)

      Would love some insights on this from other INFJs. Where do you lurk???

      This post was edited by joyhealthlovepeace at December 29, 2015 1:20:57 PM PST
    • September 5, 2015 12:13:17 PM PDT
      • Posts
        114
      • Thanks
        17
      • Thanked
        38
      • Rep
        4

      How do I find a match? INFJ...

      I am not sure if my comment is welcome. But I think trying to understand other types and their perspectives might help. At least with making us less annoying. If you restrict your options to INFJs, then combined with the reluctance to reach out to each other, the very small proportion of INFJs overall, and the fact that other INFJs are also be going to be looking at you with the same skepticism...well, I don't need to tell you the rest. Also just because another person is an INFJ, or an NF, doesn't mean you will get along. They might not appreciate the woman that you are, or the mother that you are, or the person that you are. And without that understanding, your emotions might clash. They might see the world the same way you do, but they might not see you, or the relationship, they way you want them to.

      I do understand why you wouldn't want to date an INTP. I used to think most INTPs were like me, but more of the males do seem to be at the more extreme end of the T scale, and not in a sexy way. Even I would find it difficult to have my feelings dismissed in that rational way. But I think overall it takes maturity to be able to understand and accept another's feelings, and communicate one's own feelings in a way that the other can understand.

      This post was edited by Cyanara at January 4, 2016 11:40:16 PM PST
    • September 6, 2015 11:12:26 AM PDT
      • Posts
        1
      • Thanks
        0
      • Thanked
        0
      • Rep
        0

      How do I find a match? INFJ...

      Haha infinite patience... taking our ambitions with us into the present moment and letting it drive our action is where I find an opposite way of wanting to reach outcome, thus internet dating feels like a practical solution (though you are quite right, distance is a bitch)

    • September 7, 2015 5:15:32 AM PDT
      • Posts
        114
      • Thanks
        17
      • Thanked
        38
      • Rep
        4

      How do I find a match? INFJ...

      I feel I should add something. @joyhealthlovepeace. your original comment re Ts and INTPs actually hurt. And is the reason I had to respond. A typical INTP wouldn't tell you this. And I'm even struggling right now not to feel overly emotional as I write this. Because the rational part of my brain tells me she didn't mean it, it wasn't directed at me, she was just expressing how she felt and that's how it came out, etc. What people don't realize is that INTPs are extremely sensitive. And because we are so sensitive we try to keep our emotions in check, and we also try to protect other people. We don't want to hurt them. And we don't want to be hurt. Maybe it's an NF thing. maybe NFs don't realise how much power they have to hurt another person. And when that person is an INTP who struggles todeal with and express emotions anyway, it just compounds the hurt.

      This post was edited by Cyanara at December 24, 2017 5:05:35 AM PST
    • November 14, 2015 12:39:39 PM PST
      • Posts
        2
      • Thanks
        5
      • Thanked
        1
      • Rep
        0

      How do I find a match? INFJ...

      As crude as it sounds, I believe N's like to give and S's like to receive. A generous N needs a grateful S.

    • December 1, 2015 8:32:10 AM PST
      • Posts
        5
      • Thanks
        1
      • Thanked
        3
      • Rep
        1

      How do I find a match? INFJ...

      Omg, you have to balance your Ni with someone who is Ne dominent as the theory goes, like an entp or enfp:v. Intp is Ti dominent!

    • May 21, 2016 7:54:15 PM PDT
      • Posts
        1
      • Thanks
        0
      • Thanked
        0
      • Rep
        0

      How do I find a match? INFJ...

      I'm finally starting to embrace my INFJ-ness and recently started the world of online dating. The experiences I've had were pretty crushing but I always bounce back. I'm all for manifesting but if you like someone, go for it. I'm sure you're awesome and that there are other Myers Briggs types that will let you know.

    • July 17, 2016 1:41:45 PM PDT
      • Posts
        1
      • Thanks
        0
      • Thanked
        0
      • Rep
        0

      How do I find a match? INFJ...

      I myself find it pretty hard to communicate with others. It seems that all people want is meaningless small talk! :[ I was in a relationship before with an ENTP and it was like all they wanted to do was rationalize my own feelings or even make fun of my emotions.

      But I do not want to be doomed to stay single though, despite my rare INFJ nature, so I came on here to meet some XNFXs online. :)

Add Reputation

Do you want to add reputation for this user by this post?

or cancel